Business gets in way of family
DEAR AMY: My husband and I got into a business arrangement with his brother. The dissolution of that business left a bad taste in his brother’s mouth. We have tried to remain cordial, although we only communicate through cards, as they live on the other side of the country.
We are godparents to one of their children. We try to respect that special status with a gift each year.
This year our gift was received with an email “thank you” from the mother. We heard nothing from our niece, who will turn 30 soon.
I sent a note requesting that she let us know whether she liked the gift, but there’s still silence.
They have been passive-aggressive in the past. Should I even bother in the future. Lost in Communication
Craziness
What you demonstrate seems more passive-aggressive on your part than theirs. It is as if you are using kind gestures to test them. And — big surprise — your in-law family members fail.
So far, one family member has thanked you for a gift. The wrong family member, but — your kind gesture was acknowledged. Then, you decided to up the ante and insist that someone tell you whether the recipient liked the gift. I suspect that you knew these family members wouldn’t respond the way you wanted, but now you get to feel even more righteous.
If you want to try to clear things up, then you should openly attempt to address your challenging business situation.
You should not send gifts to a 30-year-old woman who doesn’t acknowledge your gifts. The godparent relationship is not meant to confer quality gifts for life. These gestures seem to be creating a lot of awkwardness, and so you should quietly stop.
My son is getting married soon, and everything is wonderful. The problem is I am a crier.
I cry excessively at sad and happy occasions (even puppy food commercials).
I do not want to take attention off of my son and his bride, and I don’t want people to worry about me, but I know I am going to sob and sob. Just thinking about the mother/son dance makes me cry.
To make it worse, when I cry, my son, who is very compassionate, gets teary.
Do you or your readers have any strategies for people who are extremely emotional like me?
I’m happy to ask readers to help you with this. My own advice is to stay sober, practice, practice, practice — and don’t wear mascara.
Practicing moments like this is akin to putting yourself through a course of cognitive behavioral therapy. You simply expose yourself as much as you can to the trigger event, in order to “normalize” it, so that you can control your own emotions — at least to some extent. In this case, you would force yourself to imagine these events, deeply think them through and practice feeling these feelings while staying calm.
Deep-breathing techniques can also help to focus your mind (and emotions).