Her parents won’t accept boyfriend
DEAR AMY: I was with a man I loved for almost four years. He is now in recovery, but before he turned his life around, he had issues with my family. While on a drinking binge, he had an argument with my father, which he has tried to apologize for many times.
This was three years ago, and my family refuses to even speak his name.
A few months ago, I broke things off because I thought my family would never accept him. I am still very upset by this, because I can’t see myself with anyone else.
My family has never seen the good side of him. He treats me very well since getting sober.
My family doesn’t believe in alcoholism being a disease, and that he has been in treatment for it. Should I get back together with him and risk my parents never accepting it?
Heartbroken
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please understand how upsetting it is for parents to see a child in a relationship with someone they fear is drunk and abusive.
Alcoholism affects everyone it touches. Your guy’s own family, friends and co-workers have likely been affected by his drinking. Because of this, many alcoholics working a 12-step program will make amends and ask for forgiveness from every single person in their lives.
If your guy is rock-solid sober, loves and treasures you, and has asked for forgiveness, then I’d say that your family members are in worse shape than he is.
You have to be brave enough to love the person you want to love. You should ask your parents to accept this, but understand that they may have a hard time getting there.
DEAR AMY: My wife and I have been married for more than 20 years. She is not keeping up with the basic table manners.
It is starting to get embarrassing. She chews with her mouth open, has her elbows on the table and waves her fork around while making a point.
She will cut up all her food at once and mash it all together.
We have weddings and family functions to go to. How can we get her to brush up on her manners?
Napkin In Lap
DEAR NAPKIN: I’ve always thought that one of the advantages of being married is that you have a spouse who will tell you when you’re trailing a piece of toilet paper from your shoe, or have a piece of kale stuck between your teeth.
Spouses should tell the truth, as kindly as possible, and love each other anyway.
You should say to her, “Honey, we’ve all relaxed a lot since our own wedding day, but really — the food mashing, the chewing with your mouth open — can’t you brush up on your table manners before we go to these other weddings?”
Offer her a deal: She gets to correct you on something you do that drives her crazy.