College freshman feeling lonely
I just started college and I’m living in a dorm.
This has exacerbated a problem that I’ve had my whole life.
I’m not sure if I’m antisocial or asocial, but I have a hard time making friends.
I came to college with a group of friends from high school. I like all of them, but I’ve always felt like I am on the periphery.
In high school, it was OK, because I had one close friend, but she went to a different college.
Here at school I feel like I have no real friends; no one ever objects to my joining in their plans, but I’m never invited to join in.
At home I was happy to be a bit of a loner, but suddenly I’m feeling internal pressure to be social. I’ve only been here for a week, but already I’m having a hard time. Any advice?
Lonely in the Dorm
I’d like to challenge a couple of your assertions.
First of all, you can make friends. You report that you have one close friend, and others you describe as “friends” from high school.
So, you actually have a track record of making friends.
You may think that the norm is to have more than one very close friend, but I don’t think that’s quite accurate. Many people have only one best friend — and one close and intimate friend is all most of us need. Your relationships will probably always fall into concentric rings, with very few people sharing the center with you.
Secondly, you are surrounded by people who are feeling just as you are now. The first month of college is socially more challenging and frightening than the first day of kindergarten.
And, just like in kindergarten, you are feeling anxious, awkward and isolated. This is a time to be gentle with yourself as you tiptoe toward and away from relationships.
As classes start, a routine will emerge. You will be more occupied with your studies. You will get to know others in your classes, cafeteria, library and dorm.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to behave as you see others behaving. Share your feelings with your bestie; she might be feeling the same way.
If you find yourself feeling depressed, worried or too isolated, visit the campus health center and ask to speak with a counselor.
How do I tell the man in my life that his huge muffin top is a turn off? He blames his diabetes on the fact that he cannot satisfy me sexually, but I maintain that it is his obesity that is the reason he has diabetes.
I need to get across to him that he has to lose at least 30 to 40 pounds.
Diabetes
Get him to a doctor. He needs to fully understand the relationship between his weight and diabetes. And yes, diabetes can cause impotence.
A fitness tracker might provide some motivation for him to get more exercise, which will be good for his circulation. Start walking together each day.
With help from a nutritionist and encouragement, he can start to eat better, move more and improve his health dramatically.