Sexual assault haunts woman
DEAR AMY: I was sexually assaulted by a man at a party when I was 17.
I didn’t report the assault because of the circumstances (there was underage drinking at the party, etc.).
I am now 23, and although I am fine, I run into him every once in a while — at the college I attended, at Walmart, at a local restaurant and he recently came through the drivethru at my workplace.
I always do my best to stay as calm as possible and to not pay him any attention, although it is very challenging to not break out into a full-blown panic attack.
I think it’s too late or a lost cause to report it at this point, but I have to do something, so it doesn’t eat at me every time I see him.
My question for you is — should I confront him? If so, what do I say?
If not, what do I do about running into him?
Stuck at 17
DEAR STUCK: I can’t tell you to confront this person — or to avoid him. I can only tell you that you must do what is best for you.
It is not too late to report this assault, and it is not a “lost cause.” Your cause is never lost, because you are here, struggling mightily to cope.
You have survived a sexual assault. And although you say you are “fine,” I don’t think you are fine. I think you’re unsure, hurting and anxious — all very natural reactions.
I shared your question with a spokesperson at the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN.org), the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. They want to assure you that there is no one right answer for how a sexual assault survivor should cope to move forward. You can call and talk to a counselor at the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673); they can listen to your story, review your options now and also connect you with a local counselor and support group. RAINN also has an online “chat” feature available, 24/7.
It is vital that you receive help and support. An answer for what you should do concerning the man who assaulted you will emerge through talking about it.
Please don’t bury this or discount what happened.
DEAR AMY: “Protective Daughter” described her concern over her mother’s decision to become a caregiver to an abusive ex who now has cancer.
I am a therapist who has had clients ready to leave an ex-partner who has faked cancer to get the partner back.
It only worked for a little while but eventually caused chaos in the well person’s life. I say, confirm this diagnosis on paper before you do it, but better yet: RUN!
Siri
DEAR SIRI: Great point.
An unscrupulous person could use a cancer diagnosis to emotionally manipulate a caring individual.
I agree that “Protective Daughter” should urge her mother to confirm the prognosis before she reenters a relationship with an abusive ex.