Wife gets back in bed with ex
DEAR AMY: I have been married to my second husband for five years.
I hold a great deal of animosity toward him, because he let his teenage children disrespect me.
I became a person I did not recognize nor like. I felt like it was always three against one.
He also has medical issues because he doesn’t take care of himself. So now I live with a man who cannot be sexually intimate with me (and is OK with it). He shows me no affection, but says that he loves me.
I am constantly trying to create intimacy between us, but it is always in vain. I am only 49.
A few months ago, my exhusband started telling me how great and sexy I looked.
I was starving for attention. One day he came over to bring something for our daughter and we ended up having sex.
I know it was not right, but I felt like myself again for the first time in several years. We have continued to be intimate and even though I know what we are doing is wrong, I do not feel guilty.
I do love my husband, but I am not in love with him anymore. I am so frustrated and confused. I need an outside opinion.
Pushed Too Far
DEAR PUSHED: Your perspective is that your husband’s neglect has forced you into an extramarital affair.
You want your husband to take responsibility for his actions, and yet you also want him to take responsibility for yours.
Adults should own their own behavior, acknowledging and accepting the consequences.
You seem to have no commitment to staying in your marriage, and so you should be honest with yourself and your husband, and leave it.
Beware, however — remarrying a previous spouse doesn’t guarantee a happy ending, unless both parties have changed in substantial ways.
DEAR AMY: A few years ago I bought a condo at a great price and have since invested to upgrade it.
In the last two years, the housing market has skyrocketed, and I am considering selling the condo to set aside money to meet a number of longtime goals.
My mother is interested in downsizing from her home, and wants to buy my condo. She also wants a $20,000 discount from what the condo is appraised for, saying she can’t afford more (she can).
When I said that capital is crucial and the difference between what I could get from her vs. a stranger on the market is significant, she was miffed that I “wouldn’t help my own mother.”
While she has not helped me financially as an adult, she feels that when she dies (in 30-plus years), I’ll get it all back. Yikes.
Callous Daughter
DEAR DAUGHTER: One advantage of selling to your mother is that you have a ready buyer. If she could come up to the assessed value, this might be worthwhile for everyone.
Doing business with a family member can create problems, but if you remain businesslike (even if she isn’t), this might work out.
If you make an effort, but can’t see this as mutually advantageous, then you shouldn’t do it.