Grandma doesn’t want to babysit
DEAR AMY: I am a 67-year-old divorced, single woman.
I live about 10 minutes from my daughter and babysit for my 18month-old granddaughter two days a week.
My daughter pays me a little bit, and I use that money to buy lunch food and snacks.
My granddaughter’s brother is almost nine. My daughter wants me to keep both children during summer vacation, but I know that my grandson will be very bored.
All he wants to do is play games on my Kindle.
There is not much I can do that will interest two children with such a large age span.
My problem is that I love my grandchildren very much, but I really don’t enjoy baby-sitting — I just don’t have the energy or creativity to keep the children occupied.
There are so many other volunteer positions and activities I’d rather be doing than staying in and baby-sitting.
My daughter complains that they don’t have the money for child care, and yet they have money for their own interests, drive two late-model SUVs, have a large aboveground swimming pool, etc.
Am I a bad person for not wanting to babysit? My back and head hurt just thinking about the summer and beyond. Grounded Grandmother
DEAR GROUNDED:
You are not a bad person for not wanting to babysit. You have the right to live the life you want to live. Loving your grandchildren and wanting to spend time with them should not obligate you to take full-time responsibility for them over the summer.
Your grandson should be in a day camp during the summer. There are low-cost opportunities, which your daughter should research. The parents’ job is to find stimulating activities to engage their son over the gaping yaw that is summertime. Camps, sports and summer programs will be better for him than hanging out with you and his toddler sister.
You don’t say what baby-sitting arrangements your daughter has in place for her youngest during the days you aren’t there. Child care is the parents’ responsibility, and you might offer to fill in the gaps or pitch in in an emergency, but if you don’t want to take on regular child care, you shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons.
Your daughter is not going to like your refusal to provide full-time child care. But you are simply going to have to train her to make other arrangements by starting to say “no.”
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