Ogling women at beach irks wife
DEAR AMY: My wife and I love the beach. We walk on the beach, kayak, picnic and in the summer we swim.
When it’s crowded, my wife invariably says, “Are you checking out that girl in the bikini?” I always lie, which she sees right through and an argument ensues.
I am in my 50s. I have no delusions of young girls (or anyone else) on the beach, but I love to look and I try to be discreet.
How can I be honest and not hurt my wife?
Lying on the Beach
DEAR LYING: I think many of us in middle age passively admire young and beautiful people without being lascivious. From your own description, you do not. And so no, I won’t help you check out women in front of your wife.
You do sound like a dirty old man. All “attractive females” know when they’re being checked out. Some may enjoy the attention, some not. But in this context, your wife’s feelings are more important than theirs (or yours) because she is the one you’re married to and going home with.
You have a choice: either stop checking out women, or come clean when she catches you and risk an argument. The first choice will make your beautiful beach days continue for many years, the second one will probably lead to her turning these beach trips into solo expeditions.
Stop blaming your wife for being frustrated about your inability to keep your eyes in your head.
DEAR AMY: After nearly 15 years of marriage, my wife and I have yet to agree on washing dishes. I was taught that dishes are not to be left in the sink, my wife that it’s OK to leave everything in the sink until someone had time to clean up.
If I don’t touch the dishes she’s left in the sink, she will clean them up within a few hours. The problem is that she gets mad at me whenever I’m washing one of my own dishes and I ignore hers.
I don’t mind cleaning other peoples’ dishes now and then (and we have young kids, which complicates the problem). But I resent being expected to clean her dishes nearly every time I go to the sink, while she is never left to clean mine. Any thoughts?
Feeling Dished
DEAR DISHED: This is an all-too-common domestic question. One obvious solution is that if you want the dishes washed now then you wash them. All of them. I think you know it’s obnoxiously passive-aggressive to only do your own. You two are married parents, not Craigslist roommates. You should each step up and do things that need to be done without keeping score.
In my household, whoever cooks doesn’t do the dishes. Getting them washed before breakfast the next day seems like a reasonable goal.
Also, get your children involved. The kids in my life love having jobs. I’d love to hear from other readers here. How do you settle household chore debates?