There’s etiquette for eating over the sink?
DEAR MISS
MANNERS: My wife caught me eating at the sink.
I said: “I bet Miss Manners eats at the sink.”
She said: “Miss Manners gets served by waiters and footmen.”
Please resolve the correctness of standing and eating at the sink.
GENTLE READER: You are both wrong about Miss Manners’ dining habits, but that should not be the issue here. The issue is not even whether one should eat at the sink.
Rather, it is getting caught eating at the sink.
Unlike morals, manners apply only when they affect other people. As much as we admire those who behave perfectly (or so they say) when they are unobserved, their virtue is unconnected with etiquette.
Many unsavory things go on in kitchens, and Miss Manners, for one, is grateful not to witness them. When you eat at the sink or lick the ladle, be sure to do so alone.
DEAR MISS
MANNERS: It seems that many people are taking adages stressing the importance of laughing at oneself a bit too far.
Many times, I’ve been inconvenienced by the small mistakes of others and stood ready to forgive and forget, if only an apology were provided. The teacher of an exercise class forgets a necessary item, thus diminishing the students’ experience, or a doctor’s desk staff stand backs turned and munching cake, ignoring patients. At a party a fellow guest soiled my friend’s floor with dirty shoes.
Apologies were the only thing necessary, but they were not offered. Instead, each offender broke into laughter, adding jovially, “Oh, we’re too busy eating to care about patients!” or, “Oh my gosh! I am getting dirt on your floor!”
I think these people want their victims to laugh along. While none of these things is of huge importance, they are also not humorous. That others do not care if they inconvenience me does not cause me to giggle. What is the proper response?
GENTLE READER: Nothing chills misplaced laughter so much as a blank look and silence. But if that doesn’t prompt an apology, you can say, “I don’t get it. What’s so funny?” This gives the offender the opportunity to claim to have laughed only out of embarrassment.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is appropriate for the mother of the groom to wear to an elegant, outdoor barn wedding? The bride is wearing a beautiful off-white mermaid-style bridal gown. GENTLE READER: Never having understood the concept of a wedding “theme,” Miss Manners won’t dwell on the idea of a mermaid in a barn.
Neither should you. Whatever the bridal industry may claim, the couple’s mothers are not specifically costumed, but may wear whatever they like in keeping with the degree of formality that applies to the other guests.
Unlike morals, manners apply only when they affect other people. As much as we admire those who behave perfectly (or so they say) when they are unobserved, their virtue is unconnected with etiquette.