More tips for dealing with dementia and senior drivers

Q So great that you talked about dementia and driving. One in nine people over age 65 has Alzheimer’s. There are many families that face the issue, but few know how to navigate it. The Alzheimer’s Association has a web page specifically about dementia and driving. Go to alz.org/ driving to learn how to have that difficult conversation, how to plan ahead for that day, etc. — Michele Boudreau Alzheimer’s Association A Folks, this is a must read.

Q

Our father-in-law had the same issue. We tried hiding the keys and taking off the distributor cap wires. We finally anonymously reported him to the DMV, which sent him a letter saying he needed to report for a behind-the-wheel test. This shook him up. He gave up his keys and never drove again. — J.H. A Good for you to not give up, and credit your dad that he willingly gave up driving without much of a ruckus. You may request that your name not be revealed to the individual being reported; however, you

Qmust reveal your name to the DMV. Q My experience with older drivers has been positive. My grandfather came home one day and handed his keys over to his son and that was the end of it. My dad’s doctor signed the DMV form to have his license pulled. We had a lot of conversations with Dad but it all worked out. — Russ Van Dyne, San Jose A A word for family members. Keep up the conversation, but do so calmly. When my mother, who was already showing signs of dementia, insisted on renewing her license my siblings and I thought, no problem. We figured she wouldn’t be able to pass the written DMV test so that would be the end of it. As expected, she failed. The clerk proceeded to give her the same test, which she again failed. The third time, she passed and was able to renew her license.

At that point I sent a letter to the DMV asking to revoke her license citing her dementia, plus a recent incident mistaking the gas and brake pedals and driving through the garage wall into the bathroom. The DMV finally revoked her license.

She was very angry, just like a child would be if you took away something they wanted badly. But I would rather endure her wrath than know that she had killed or even hurt someone while behind the wheel. — M.B., San Jose A I admire your attitude.

Q

My dad is 87, has dementia and has had two strokes. He still thinks he should be driving even though there’s damage to his car showing he’s hit and driven over something. Last time I was visiting him I drove him around and sometimes he had no clue where we were even though we were at places he should know.

My stepbrother took his car keys and license. When he asks about it, we just tell him the state took his license, they won’t give it back and that’s that.

Cruel? No. It’s about their safety and other people’s safety at this point. — J.H. A Indeed it is.