Playground aggression encountered

DEAR AMY >> My wife and I have a 5-yearold son who has vision and hearing disabilities, but is very social. He doesn’t always pick up on social cues, but is always interested in meeting new friends, and his mom and I encourage this.

However, occasionally we run into children at the park, museum, etc., that are less than kind. Most often these kids don’t have an adult supervising them, or if they do, they’re drinking wine at a picnic table a hundred yards away.

I’m wondering what the proper response is for a child (that isn’t mine) who is going up the slide backward while other kids are coming down, or throwing bark in the face of a child who has already requested that he stop. I’ve tried your usual, balanced, patient tone, but typically it leads to more aggression — Priority Parent

DEAR PARENT >> Young children will often try to push boundaries on the playground, and this is one vital function of play. But a child also needs to learn to respect basic safety rules.

If a child is climbing up the slide while others are coming down and you don’t see an adult nearby, you should say, “Hi there. You shouldn’t climb backward up the slide because the other kids are trying to slide down. Use the stairs, OK?” If the child hears you, considers his options, and continues the behavior, you should ask, “Do you have a grown-up with you?” Find out where the adult is, and ask the adult, “Could you move closer to the slide? I think your child needs some closer supervision.” Understand that that child, like yours, may have special challenges.

If a child is throwing bark at another child and no other adult is present, you should say, “You know we don’t throw bark. You need to find a different way to play.” Many parents are tolerant of having others step in with respectful corrections, but if a parent responds with aggression, you should back away, and you should never touch another child, unless you are saving him from harm.

DEAR AMY >> My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. From the get-go, we have had open communication and my girlfriends have advised me to “make your own relationship rules,” and we do.

This leads into some age-old issues. He pays for most of our dates, but sometimes I take him out. I feel that it is only fair for me to show him my appreciation. I also open my own car door and sometimes hold the door for him when walking into a building. I find nothing wrong with any of this.

My mom is expecting me to be “meek” and to expect a man to take care of trivial tasks. We will be adhering to these “rules” when around my parents, in order to not make waves.

Do you think this is the right thing to do? — Happy

DEAR HAPPY >> Um, no. I think your parents letting you adhere to your own relationship rules is the right thing (for them) to do.