Sibling: How do I share wealth?
DEAR AMY >> I am the oldest (age 62) of seven children, and I have been financially fortunate.
I would like to share my good fortune with my siblings by giving them each an amount of money, but I don’t know how to go about doing it.
It seems kind of crass to just hand each of them a check.
A couple of my siblings really need the money and the rest do not, but I want to give them all an equal amount.
How can I do it in a fun way without looking like I’m giving alms to the poor? — Lucky Sibling
DEAR LUCKY >> It might help you to wrestle with this awesome dilemma if you think of your plan as “sharing” versus “giving.”
Check with your financial adviser, and implement the plan with your (and your recipients’) tax implications in mind. According to the IRS (irs. gov), in 2017, the limit for tax-exempt gifts to individuals is $14,000 — meaning that your siblings can receive a generous cash gift of up to that amount without having to pay taxes on it.
No, I don’t think you should hand each of your siblings a check.
You should keep this simple. Send each of them a note and a check on the same day by secure means.
Write something to the effect of: “I’ve been very lucky, and feel that part of my good luck is to have you as a sibling. I’ve reached a phase in my life where I am happy to share my good fortune with people who mean a lot to me. Please accept this gift. I hope you will use it in whatever way makes you happy.”
Understand before you do this that some people are uncomfortable receiving gifts that they can never reciprocate. Some of your siblings may have an unexpected reaction to it. You might have one or more checks returned to you. You might not receive the acknowledgment or thanks that you feel you deserve.
DEAR AMY >> I’m wondering about breakups. I’m an almost 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a handful of serious relationships. Sometimes I end it, and sometimes the other person ends it.
I get it that no one probably enjoys ending a relationship, but I seem to take breakups particularly hard. I wonder why this is, and if there are things I can do to avoid feeling this way in the future.
Your thoughts? — Laying Low
DEAR LOW >> Any attachment will eventually lead to loss. Sometimes, the very concept of attachment gets a bad rap, but I think that attachment to fellow living creatures is something to celebrate, as long as you aren’t too tethered to a particular outcome.
After a breakup, you feel so bad because you feel so much.
Understand your own temperament, and look for healthy ways to soothe yourself when you feel bad. You might benefit from the wisdom of the Buddhist thinker Pema Chodron. Listen to her lecture “Don’t Bite the Hook.”