Hubby’s late-night drinking an issue

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I have different work schedules, and we need different amounts of sleep.

As a result, I go to bed early and most nights he sits up late. For the past two years, he has been drinking a few cocktails after I go to bed, falling asleep on the sofa and then coming to bed between 2 and 3 a.m.

This usually happens one or two times a week, but recently it has increased to three or four nights a week.

First, I am concerned that interrupted sleep is bad for his health, but I am also concerned about his alcohol consumption. In addition, he usually wakes me up, and it is difficult for me to get back to sleep. I feel like I have a newborn again!

I have tried talking to him about it, and he makes changes that last for weeks or even a few months, but then this pattern starts again.

Should we simply move into separate bedrooms so I can get the rest I need to function? Even if we have different rooms, it does not address his drinking. His drinking makes him somewhat sluggish and irritable in the morning, and he can be snappy with our children. However, he is not missing work, and is usually in a good mood in the evening when he returns from work. — Concerned Wife

DEAR CONCERNED >> Your husband’s drinking is escalating. Sleeping in a separate bedroom will only enable this. This should be your last move — not your first.

You’ve successfully discussed this with him before, and he has successfully stopped drinking for a period of time. This drinking pattern is now quite established and there are certain consequences — your interrupted sleep, his interrupted sleep and his grouchy hangovers in the morning.

You should privately confront him with this, in a very firm and loving way. You could borrow language from a typical “intervention”: “Your drinking is affecting our lives in the following ways...”

Urge your husband to attend a 12-step support meeting, which might help him to admit he has a problem and take steps to deal with it. Your family deserves much better than to have a sleep-deprived, hungover dad. You and the kids might also benefit from Al-anon and/ or Alateen meetings. Alanon offers “self-assessment” quizzes on their website: Al-anon.org.

DEAR AMY >> Thank you, thank you, for suggesting that “Addicted,” who was addicted to his smartphone, could “unplug” part-way by deleting social media apps from his phone.

I did this, and you are right: I felt lighter, happier and more aware within a day. — In Control

DEAR IN CONTROL >> Now, I’m inspired. I think it’s time for me to launch another media fast.