Do not sanction teen ‘keggers’
DEAR READERS » This week I am running topical “Best Of” columns while I’m on book tour, meeting readers of my memoir, “Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things,” which is now out in paperback.
DEAR AMY » I am the mother of a 15-year-old daughter. She’s a freshman at a prestigious private school. She has great grades and generally makes very good choices. I have never heard anything from her about trying drugs or alcohol, but the other day she asked me if it was “cool with me” that she attended a kegger every once in a while.
I am torn because since she chose to go from public to private school, she sees these keggers as a social event (and nothing else). I want her to have fun in high school like I did, but I also don’t know if it is right to accept underage drinking. What should I do? — Distraught Mom
DEAR DISTRAUGHT » Let me spell it out. Drinking puts your daughter at risk for the following: personal or vehicle injury, sexual activity, sexual assault, pregnancy, arrest, and — equally as devastating as some of these things — the sort of mistake-making that can kill a person’s reputation with one click of a smartphone’s camera. At her age, being sober but around other drunken teens would be equally risky for her.
You should appeal to her to be someone who faces these choices with integrity. And you should also tell her that if you learn she has been drinking — or around drinking — there will be certain unpleasant consequences for her, coming from you — the “uncool” mom.
DEAR AMY » Our child, a 26-year-old son, lives at home. He works part time and can afford gas, car insurance and outings with his friends. We pay for all his other expenses.
He sleeps until 11 a.m., when I knock on his door to wake him. He claims to have issues sleeping at night and says he can’t get going in the morning, but his dad and I feel he will ruin his life if he does not start living during the daytime.
He is pleasant but will only do chores he likes. If he got a full-time job, or worked two part-time jobs to become independent enough to pay a fair share (or be able to move out), we would feel easier about his ability to exist without us taking care of him.
How can I make him hear me? He walks away when we discuss anything serious. He says he can’t deal with it.
He got a college degree which seems useless, and now plans to get a two-year degree that will get him a career, but we think he has to change habits so he can sleep at night; he stays up late online and talking with his friends. Can you add your voice to ours? — Upset Mom
DEAR MOM » I suggest that you and your husband should wake up and finally treat your son like an adult. Tell him, “You’re a grown man. You have two months to move out. We will give you the car but not pay any other expenses. You can make it.”