Open invitation doesn’t seem so

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> I am a 38-year-old woman, never married. Since my mother’s passing a few years ago, my perspective has changed. Specifically, I prefer to focus more on my relationships and less on my career. I would like, more than anything, to have a family of my own.

I have been dating a younger man (seven years younger) for a year. Luke and his family are native to our city, while I am not. He eats dinner with his parents — at their invitation and expense — most Fridays and every Sunday. Except for a handful of occasions such as my boyfriend’s birthday and New Year’s Day, I am not invited.

I haven’t made many friends. As a result of this, and my boyfriend’s dinners with his parents, I often spend both Friday and Sunday nights alone, which makes me incredibly sad.

I have mentioned this to my boyfriend, and his response is that “there is sort of an open invitation,” but when the end of the week rolls around, he never offers a dinner with his parents as an option. We have had several arguments about this.

Although I was employed at the same law office as his father for a year and we (in theory) have shared interests, his parents have never reached out to me personally to extend an invite. I am a good person, and I can’t understand this.

Which party, if any, is at fault here?

GENTLE READER >> It seems to Miss Manners that your wish to start a family is not aligned with your gentleman friend’s desire to make you part of his. Sadly, this does not bode well for the longevity of the relationship.

From a manners perspective, an open invitation is a tricky concept. But if you would like to challenge it, you could ask directly about a specific night. Unfortunately, however, if the answer is anything less than a firm plan, it might be time to move on — and make new friends in this city.