Husband spinning a tall tale?

DEAR AMY >> Iam a 50-year-old woman. My husband and I have two sons.

I recently found out that my husband has been exchanging texts with a married woman who he met in a writing workshop.

My husband told me that the woman confided in him about her marriage problems and their terrible sex life. She also told my husband that she was having an affair with another man.

Her statements seemed fishy to me. Why would a woman confide in a married man about her marriage problems, her affair and her sex life?

My husband told me that he was not interested in her, but he kept encouraging her to share her personal problems.

I was hurt by this, but he kept insisting that nothing was going on between them. He said he was just using her stories as fodder for his upcoming novel.

Is that a justified reason?

What should I do? Should I be worried? — Worried Wife DEAR WORRIED >> You don’t mention how you learned about this correspondence, but I agree with you that its substance raises red flags.

It is inappropriate for people who are in a committed relationship to complain to a new acquaintance about their marriage and sex life.

At the very least, this level of instant intimacy indicates that she is indiscreet and doesn’t respect boundaries. At the most, it signals that she is available and interested. And yes, disclosing that she is already having an affair signals that she is able and available.

Your husband also has a problem with boundaries. He should not develop an intimate friendship with another woman. This intimacy interferes with his relationship with you.

He also should not exploit this person for the purposes of “writing his novel.” First of all, this is an old, tired and disingenuous excuse for his own behavior. (I’m not buying it, probably because I hang around with writers, and writing workshops are notorious for launching creativity-fueled hookups.) Only rank amateurs — or scoundrels with gullible spouses — ply this particular fiction.

And here’s some writing advice for your husband: Writers are storythieves, but it is deeply unethical to use someone else’s life experience for your own novel, certainly without their permission.

DEAR AMY >> I appreciated the question from “Confused Only Child,” who was wondering how to be a good aunt.

You said “Fake it ’til you make it.” I actually agree! It’s really impossible to know how to have these relationships until you try. And sometimes you make it up as you go along. — Proud Uncle DEAR UNCLE >> Exactly.