It was just the anesthesia talking
DEAR AMY >> I would like your opinion on something. My son and I always had and still have a normal, loving, good relationship. Fifteen years ago, when he was 25, my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. At the time, he had been married for two years to his college sweetheart.
I was fortunate enough to get referrals for the best surgeons. The operation went on for several hours. Upon his recovery, he was placed in a hospital bed. He was still kind of groggy and in a lot of pain when my husband, daughter and I went to see him.
I asked if there was anything he needed. He told me to get out of the room.
His wife’s mother came in and he started calling out to her: “Mom!” and she went to him. I was never so crushed in my entire life.
I started to cry and ran out, and kept running.
My daughter and husband brought me to the cafeteria in the hospital to try to calm me down. After the surgery, he and his wife came back to stay at my house until he was healed enough to go to his home.
This incident was never brought up or talked about.
Now, 15 years later, I still harbor hurt and resentment. How do I handle it? I’m not in good health. Should I keep it buried or bring it up?
I’m not sure if he remembers it and do not want him to feel bad. However, it gnaws away on my mind and heart.
— The Real Mother
DEAR REAL MOTHER >> Unfortunately, I feel that the real pathology here is your holding onto an obviously hallucinatory statement made under extreme circumstances 15 years ago.
I don’t know if you have ever been hospitalized and recovered from a major operation using anesthesia, but I have seen people hallucinate and suffer from delirium while in the grip of “ICU psychosis.” My own children were completely loopy after only getting their wisdom teeth extracted. (One seemed to think that our dog, Calvin, would be driving her home from the dental office.)
I don’t think your son’s reaction while emerging from anesthesia is out of the ordinary.
Please, do yourself and your family a favor and bring this up with your son. I hope you can temper your reaction to this enough so that you will understand that he didn’t know what he was saying and likely has no memory of it. I hope a reassuring hug and an “I love you, Mom,” will allow you to finally close the book on this strange chapter in your emotional life. Holding on to this is not good for your own health. Find a way to let it go.