Hiring a contractor is a lot like looking for a life partner, and the same rules apply for both

Everything I learned about finding a mate I learned from hiring a contractor. So, men and women, listen up. If you’re entering a relationship or looking for one, you won’t find any better advice than this.

My recent experience seeking, interviewing and ultimately hiring a contractor to repair a stucco-covered beam brought all the parallels home.

The first similarity between finding a contractor and finding a partner is the scarcity factor. According to the National Association of Home Builders, we’re in the midst of a national labor shortage for home remodelers that isn’t going to ease up any time soon. That correlates with the constant complaints I hear from friends seeking relationships: All the good ones are taken.

This contractor shortage was on my mind as I began my hunt. Sure enough, just getting three contractors to come out was a feat on par with getting tickets to ride the first spaceship to Mars, or to “Hamilton,” whichever is more difficult. The first dates, err, interviews, went like this:

Contractor No. 1 came through a recommendation. I call, and his wife answers.

“He’s only available for large jobs,” she says, but he “can send our stucco guy.”

“But we need someone to tell us what’s going on beneath the stucco.”

Very reluctantly, she sets an appointment for three weeks out.

The morning of the meeting, the contractor doesn’t come. His son does. We show him the beam. He makes notes and says his office (mother) will be in touch. A few days later, the “office” emails us a price not to repair the job, but to take everything apart so they can provide an additional estimate.

Contractor No. 2 comes recommended by my real estate agent. He has a good reputation. When bachelor, err, Contractor No. 2 calls back three weeks later, so much time has lapsed, I don’t recognize his name. We arrange a time to meet at the house.

Though he, too, says he won’t know the extent of the repair until all the stucco is stripped off the beam, he can give us an estimate for best- and worstcase scenarios.

He promises to send a proposal by the end of the week. Twelve days later, I have no proposal. Against my better judgement, I text him to nudge.

He texts back: “I’m so sorry. It completely slipped off my radar. … I will get it out early this week.”

The proposal never arrives.

Contractor No. 3 comes through a recommendation from one of my readers. (Thank you, Mary Y., of Orlando). He comes out and looks over the job. The next day, he sends us a bid with the best- and worst-case prices. He says he can start in 10 days. And he does.

I offer these rules when looking for a good contractor or a good partner:

• Don’t listen to what a person says. Watch what a person does. Behavior, not words, will tell you everything you need to know about someone. (This may be the best advice I’ve imparted in 15 years of writing this column.)

• Don’t kid yourself. Most toads are not princes or princesses in disguise.

• If a person is hard to reach, he or she doesn’t want to be found.

• If they act like they’re too good for you, stop auditioning.

• If they don’t call you back, they’re not interested.

• If they show up and are not as advertised, don’t trust them.

• If they leave you hanging or stand you up, walk away.

• If they promise to do something, then don’t, they’re either a coward, a liar or a loser. Don’t wait around to find out which one.

• If they show interest, arrive on time, follow through on their promises, are honest about their availability and intentions, and don’t have a trunk full of sorry excuses, give them a chance.