In-laws tag along to wedding weekend

DEAR AMY >> Our older son and his wife are bringing her parents to our younger son’s outof-town wedding to babysit their 1-yearold.

This babysitting doesn’t feel necessary to anyone except the young parents. The marrying couple don’t mind if the young parents bring their baby to the wedding and have told them it is fine. The in-law babysitters are not invited to the wedding.

It is creating an awkward family dynamic. Should the out-of-town babysitting couple be invited to the wedding? Would it be more appropriate to include the babysitting adults in the events before and after the wedding?

The engaged couple are already not inviting some of their friends in order to keep the cost down.

— Wedding Guest

Confusion

DEAR CONFUSION >> It sounds like your son and daughter-in-law included her parents as babysitters in this out-of-town wedding because they don’t want to go to a wedding with a 1-year-old. I’ve gone to weddings with 1-yearolds — more than once — and I can testify that it’s not always a rollicking good time.

Your family now feels some pressure to invite these in-laws to the wedding, in which case the two young parents would now be attending the wedding with a baby and her parents. This might not be at all what they had in mind when they started the ball rolling.

Is your son (the dad) pressuring his brother (the groom) to include his inlaws in the wedding? You don’t say.

Yes, it would be kind to invite the older couple to ancillary events, like the next-day brunch. As the mother of the groom and peer in-law to this older couple, you should encourage the marrying couple to extend an invitation. You should not pressure them to issue an invitation. This is their wedding and your two sons are responsible for their choices, as well as whatever awkwardness arises from them.

We love the little kiddos in our lives but sometimes forget to give them the basic dignity that comes with growing up when they’re not babies anymore.

DEAR AMY >> “Frustrated in a Toxic Workplace” noted that employees in her new company seemed to resent her, “mostly because I ask for services (such as cleaning of my office), and for appropriate equipment to do my work.”

I’ve worked at one of the largest corporations in the country for quite some time, and they had no housekeeping staff. Everyone was expected to clean their own office space — management included. It worked really well.

— Anon

DEAR ANON >> Well, that is refreshing — and revealing.