Destination wedding aimed at shortening guest list

DEAR ABBY » My son and his fiancee, “Breanna,” have planned a destination wedding in another country. Breanna’s mother’s family vacations there every couple of years, so they decided to have the wedding there when her extended family will be vacationing.

The reason Breanna gave me was that she is embarrassed by some of my family members and doesn’t want to introduce them to her family, so a destination wedding eliminates those people from attending. When I told Breanna’s stepfather what she said, Breanna denied ever making the statement!

I told my son how hurt I am that she doesn’t want our side of the family to attend (including his father, brother and myself), since the cost per person for travel and accommodations will be approximately $3,500 per person. He said he doesn’t want to ruin her special day and changed the subject.

I would love to see my son get married (even though I have a bitter taste in my mouth), but we can’t afford to attend unless we take out a second mortgage or dip into our 401(k). Are we bad parents for not attending our own son’s wedding? DEAR MOTHER » That your son’s fiancee verbalized what she did is shocking. It shows how little respect she has for your feelings and her lack of manners or class. A marriage is supposed to be a blending of families, something this young woman — and her family — appears unwilling or unable to recognize. That your son would accept this because wedding is “her” day is disappointing. Under the circumstances, you and your family should not go into debt to attend this wedding.