Is ingratitude an epidemic?

DEAR AMY » My friend recently got married. I understand that her life got crazy with everything surrounding the wedding.

Her mother threw her a three-day bachelorette party, held out of town.

Afterward, I don’t think she even texted anyone a simple thank-you. It would have been nice to know that she enjoyed the weekend, or appreciated that we all showed up from all over the country.

I gave her a gift and never received an acknowledgment for that, either.

The big wedding day was a few weeks later. They ran out of funds for a videographer, so I volunteered. I am a photographer, so this wasn’t completely out of my realm, but it was the first go, for me, at making video.

After spending months editing the pieces together (which was enormous and time-consuming), I had it finalized with sound and special effects. The results were amazing! Truly, a professional videographer would charge no less than $2,000 for what I turned in!

I don’t care about the money (of course), but I’m just so surprised that all I received was a quick texted thank-you. Her husband emailed me a nicer thanks, but even his email was literally only three sentences.

I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to expect a phone call from them.

Honestly, all of the lack of gratitude has sort of piled up, and I don’t particularly feel like initiating yet another “offering,” even if it’s something as small as a phone call, to this friend. I feel really unappreciated and unacknowledged. DEAR PUT UPON » Of every issue I cover in my column, questions regarding the lack of gratitude seem to dominate.

Are we currently experiencing a gratitude deficit? Do people actually not feel gratitude? Do people lack the emotional tools to understand the connection between receiving something and expressing their thanks?

Can people not comprehend the joy of connection when they close the loop by saying, “Thank you”?

You feel unappreciated because you unappreciated. A gift as consequential as a wedding video deserves a sincere expression of thanks. And a gift as consequential as your ongoing friendship also warrants an expression of gratitude.

DEAR AMY » “Concerned Mother” wrote to you about her 13-year-old daughter, who had fled her father’s home repeatedly during visitation, because she was afraid of his temper.

Although you gave a very compassionate response, I was concerned about one thing. The girl had told her therapist about this, and the therapist coached her to deal with it. Amy, therapists are mandated reporters and must report abuse to authorities! DEAR UPSET » Yes! I noted in my response that I believed this therapist was not serving the client. Therapists (and teachers, and others who work with youth) are “mandated reporters,” and must report abuse.