BANDWAGON FAN GUIDE
It’s Nick, not Joey, Bosa; Kyle, not Mike, Shanahan
SANTA CLARA >> My cell phone buzzed as I walked into the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum before last month’s 49ers-Rams game.
A college friend painfully asked how to convert from being a Raiders fan.
I’ll snitch so far as to reveal that Kevin’s loyalty traces to his childhood days as a Raiders ball boy. He is surely not alone in his new 49ers fandom.
The Bay Area is full of front runners, so, to help, I’ve compiled an “Introduction To 49ers Verbiage” glossary:
It’s not “San Fran,” or “Frisco.”
Kyle, not Mike, Shanahan is the coach.
Nick, not Joey, is their Bosa.
Levi’s Stadium has no nickname, nor has it earned a clever one. Don’t even try. The defensive line has no nickname, but deserves one. (Goldmen Sacks?)
Jimmy G: Called Jim by his teammates and family but not the media nor fans.
Jimmie Ward: Not spelled J-im-m-y.
Kwon: The linebacker with “legendary” energy, but he’s now out with a season-ending pectoral tear from Halloween night.
K’Waun: The nickel cornerback quietly producing a stellar season.
E-man: Cornerback Emmanuel Moseley.
Emmanuel Sanders: Wide receiver Emmanuel Sanders, who merits full-name respect through two games since his trade.
George Kittle: Likes, no, loves pro wrestling, Panda Express, blocking defenders, fellow tight ends, pregame letters from his dad, the Ric Flair “Woo!!” and his newlywed wife, Claire (this list not in order).
Zoey: Their French bulldog and the NFL’s first emotional support dog.
Saleh: Pronounced “SAHLuh,” their energetic defensive coordinator.
Kocurek: Pronounced “KOH-sir-ick,” their defensive line’s hype man.
Deebo: Tyshun Samuel’s nickname since childhood. Better yet, it’s approved by Tiny Lister, who played neighborhood bully Deebo in the movie “Friday,” and he even attended the 49ers’ recent knockout of Carolina
Respectfully refrain from using “Twin Towers” for 6-foot-7 defensive tackles Arik Armstead and DeForest Buckner
DeFo: That’s DeForest Buckner, who plays on the interior on the defensive line.
Dee Ford: Plays next to him as an edge rusher.
Wide-9: How Kocurek lines up his defensive ends outside the offensive tackles for QB Hunt 2019.
Orbit motion: One of Shanahan’s methods to send a receiver into the backfield and dupe the defense.
Hot Boyzz: The linebackers’ self-appointed nickname, and the extra ‘Z’ came at our recommendation to one up the Dallas Cowboys’ “Hot Boyz” moniker.
All gas, no brake: Saleh’s motto for his defense since 2017, not a campaign slogan about California’s gas-emission laws.
Extreme violence: Saleh’s other motto, even though Shanahan calls him “Gandhi” for being a “peaceful giant.”
Richard Sherman, 2018-19: Grows more beloved by 49ers fans with each interception and soundbite.
Richard Sherman, 2011-17: Still hated by 49ers fans, especially after the 2013 season’s NFC Championship when he shouted about Michael Crabtree to reporter Erin Andrews.
“Feels great, baby”: Garoppolo to Erin Andrews, on being undefeated after the Halloween win.
Snapback hats and cool sneakers: Capably worn by (Kyle) Shanahan. Caution: his 40th birthday is Dec. 14.
Khakis: Out of style since 2014, since Jim Harbaugh took them to Michigan.
Jed York: His poll numbers are way up from his market low amid Harbaugh’s “mutual parting.”
Juszczyk: Pronounced “YOUs-check.”
Juszczyk: Not hard to spell, once it’s programmed into autocorrect.
Ronald Blair: Best described by Saleh as: “If you like winning, you like Ronald Blair.”
Robbie Gould: The franchise tag-worthy kicker.
Robbie Cold: The imposter who missed six field goals in the first six games (with three different long snappers).
Victory-formation backflip: executed by Richie James Jr. about 9 yards behind the Niners’ final snap after each win.
Mike McGlinchey: If not for NFL booze laws would be an official ambassador for “White Claw.”
Mitch Wishnowsky: Their Australian punter who’s lasted longer and better than Jarryd Hayne, their 2015 Australian import who played running back and punt returner and did neither well after the preseason.
Boomin’ Onion: A clever nickname Wishnowsky keeps earning with his tackling prowess (and boomin’ punts).
Chris’ Combo: The offmenu sandwich made by Willow Glen’s La Villa Deli and a road-trip tradition since their last playoff run in 2013.
Quest for Six: The 49ers’ stale slogan for trying to win a sixth Lombardi Trophy. It’s been 25 years since their last championship.
Note to Kevin: The Raiders are in Year No. 36 since their last Super Bowl win. So go ahead and take I-880 south to 237 to Great America Parkway. Look for the “Faithful Then” and “Faithful Now” banners at 4900 Marie P. DeBartolo Way.