Almost-ex wants to warn others

DEAR AMY >> My “very charming” psychopath/personality-disordered, almost exhusband has found his next victim — his first girlfriend from college.

It has been over

30 years since she dumped him in college, and she has likely forgotten the reasons behind their breakup.

He is using his fakecharm to lure her into a long-distance relationship, and will trap her through marriage, etc., with financial attachments. This is how he got, trapped and messed me up with lies and a life of chaos.

Should I forewarn her of patterns to expect so that she’s not fooled like I was? — Soon-to-be-Ex

DEAR SOON-TO-BE >> You might as well try to warn this woman about what she is in for, but you should expect to be ignored, disregarded or criticized.

If delivering this warning would put your own legal separation/divorce proceedings or child custody at risk, do do it. Only do this if you can do so safely.

Write down your statement, and take a lot of time to review it. Keep the tone as neutral as possible. Do not use any inflammatory language (“psychopath,” etc.), but do tell her in general terms about the financial issues and overall chaos of your life with him. Be aware that anything you write could be shared with others, and might be taken out of context and used against you.

Do not post this on social media.

It sounds as if your own life will stabilize once you are divorced. I hope you will grasp and enjoy your own second chance.

DEAR AMY >> My parents married in 1968 and divorced almost 42 years later, in 2010.

They decided to remarry each other in 2013 and have been together ever since.

Had they stayed together the entire time, they would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in 2018.

My husband and I recently threw my in-laws a 50th wedding anniversary party.

My dad is miffed that we didn’t offer to throw them a 50th anniversary party last year. He feels the years should be “bridged.”

I don’t agree, but it seems he won’t let it go.

What’s your take on this? — Wondering Daughter

DEAR DAUGHTER >> My take is that your father needs a party, stat!

I well understand your frustration concerning your folks. Because your dad is reacting to another couple’s celebration, his behavior regarding his own anniversary seems petty, selfish and self-serving. However, I believe that

couple that manages to stay together for such a long time — through thick and thin (and thick again) — should be celebrated on whatever timeline works well for the clan. One year here, one year there — none of this is going to matter when you gather to recognize the full and rich reality of a very long (and sometimes imperfect) union.

The tricky math here will give all of you some talking points during your toasts to the couple. Keep it good-natured, and celebrate.