Roommate drama boils over
DEAR AMY >> I’m dealing with a tough situation with my new roommate. I did not know her prior to her moving in.
She has been sleeping with a guy who is engaged to someone else.
Her boyfriend lives with his fiancee but sleeps over twice a week at our place.
He has lied multiple times about the direction his relationship with his fiancee is going, and he finds us while we are out and trying to have a good time. My roommate has no control over the situation.
It’s gotten to the point where, as a protective roommate, I have yelled across the table at him.
I feel I don’t ever get a break from the situation. He isn’t a nice person. He’s controlling, rude and a liar.
Is it wrong for me to be upset about this? Is it wrong for me to not want him in our apartment?
I have tried staying out of her situation, but she drags me back into it. I tell her I’m sick of it and don’t want to talk about him and she still brings it up! — M
DEAR M >> If you find yourself continuously drawn into your roommate’s drama, then you will have to demonstrate a higher level of self-control.
Yes, your feelings are justified. If this entire situation has become untenable for you, you could ask your roommate to find other housing. I assume that you have a lease and that you are on it, but she is not. If that is the case, you function more or less as a landlord, and your roommate would be in the apartment on a month-to-month basis. If her personal situation is seriously encroaching on your right to the peaceful enjoyment of your own home, then you could give her 30 days to find other housing.
If you are mostly annoyed by the ethics of her romantic situation and by the fact that she has terrible taste in men, then you should create some distance. If you’re out with your roommate and he shows up, you should leave. If he is staying over too often, you should ask your roommate to reduce the amount of time he spends in your home. If he is a threat to her — or you — you should call the police.
DEAR AMY >> Thank you for recommending that “Conflicted” should not throw out her uncle’s long-ago love letters, and that she reach out to the family of the sweetheart who wrote them.
I am in my 70s and writing a book about something that happened early in my life. Letters that were saved by my parents have been invaluable to establish a timeline and to determine what people were thinking.
The ’30s and ’40s were very hard times for many people, and things did not always work out the way young people thought they would.
I hope the relatives of the uncle’s sweetheart realize what a treasure her letters are and will want to keep them. — Jane, in Manlius, N.Y.
DEAR JANE >> I was touched by this tender situation. Yes, these letters are a treasure.