Family should step in to help
DEAR READERS >> Every year I step away from my daily column to work on other creative projects. I’ve gathered some topical “Best
Of” columns from
10 years ago. (Some content has been lightly edited.) I’ll be back in two weeks with fresh columns.
DEAR AMY >> My sister and her husband have been married for almost 20 years. They have a volatile relationship, and say and do hurtful things to each other.
During a recent argument, my brother-in-law yelled obscenities at my sister and spit in her face twice because she was trying to ignore his ranting. He has also pulled her hair and pushed her.
She tries to stay calm and ignore him, which makes him angrier. She tries to keep the peace because of her two older teenagers who live at home.
I am afraid that someone will be injured, arrested or even killed.
I am also upset that her children have grown up witnessing this. Both kids have anger issues.
Should our family talk to my brotherin-law? He can be a fun, nice guy.
We talked to my sister about getting professional help, but this has been going on for years.
How can we help?
— Worried Sibling
DEAR WORRIED >> Your family should advocate for your sister and the children by urging her to get help immediately and to leave this marriage safely.
I read your letter to Cory Ryan, executive director of Connections for Abused Women and Their Children, in Chicago. She responds, “This is very alarming. It is a dangerous situation. It is important that this woman get help from people who will not judge her.
“Children who grow up in violent homes suffer trauma; there is a risk that they will become violent.
“Concerned friends or family members could call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for advice on how to address this and learn of local resources. This woman needs to have a safety plan and legal advocacy.”
Call the hotline at 800-799-SAFE, or go to thehotline.org.
DEAR AMY >> I am a 32-yearold single woman with many married friends. Recently, I went to a concert with some couples, and also a married man who didn’t bring his wife.
In the back seat of a car on the way home, he tried to kiss me. I pulled away. The next day when he sent me an email saying he had a good time, I didn’t respond.
I saw him with his family at a recent dinner party. He said he wanted to have coffee sometime, and that he’d like to get to know me better. I was polite and hoped nothing would come of it, but he recently emailed me and asked to get a drink.
He is a nice person. I don’t want to assume he wants to have an affair. How do I respond?
— Troubled Single
DEAR TROUBLED >> You say he’s a “nice person,” but nice (and married) men don’t try to force kisses on disinterested women in the back seats of cars.