No party with ‘one-party’ rule

DEAR AMY >> I am an intellectual conservative, living in liberal and one-party Berkeley.

Time after time at dinner parties (even my own), the guests just assume that I am a liberal like they are.

When I tell them that I’m fairly conservative, they just don’t get it. They freely disparage “rightwing hillbillies” and say that all conservatives are “evil people.”

One time I countered, “Forty percent of the people in this country are not evil. They are good people. They just have different values from yours.”

The table became silent, they all glared at me, and the dinner party was ruined.

What is one to do? Must one just smile faintly and bear it? What can one say? — Frustrated Republican in Berkeley

DEAR FRUSTRATED >> Whenever I try to tackle a politics-adjacent question, the reader responses range the gamut from people decrying my conservative hot takes, my liberal views or my “both-sides-ism.”

This tells me that people are avoiding nuance, context or subtext.

My take on the phenomenon you describe is that one unexpected and unfortunate consequence of our president’s personal and public comportment is that it seems to have inspired a parallel mindset in the opposition. I do not lay the blame for the closeminded attitude of many progressives on the current administration; I simply note the parallels.

Each of us is entirely responsible for our own behavior. But the stereotyping and overall narrow-minded attitude you describe is something you might want to gently ask these liberal intellectuals to reflect upon. Practice a question: “Are you interested in learning more about how conservatives like me view current events — and what we are thinking about?”

Yes, it might be easier for you to simply sit through this sort of groupthink, but you should not take the blame for “ruining” a gathering simply because you have asked people to be open-minded and rational. Nor do I think that you (or anyone) should feel forced to stay silent when others are being rude, crude or reactionary.

Surely anyone worthy of being called a “liberal” should defend your right to speak your own mind, and should maintain an attitude of open-minded curiosity about people who think differently than they do.

DEAR AMY >> “Just Wondering” was worried about his girlfriend’s habit of texting a (male) co-worker after work hours. I agree with you that any of us has the right to maintain friendships outside of the loverelationship, but Wondering’s girlfriend should show him her texts and reassure him.

Secrecy makes all of this worse, maybe for no reason. — Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE >> I agree.