The great car parade debate is a polarizing issue in county

There are some things everyone in Santa Clara County can agree on right now: We need more testing, distance learning is hard, and Aqui’s swirls are really, really good.

But in a surprising twist after two months of sheltering in place, a rift has developed among our usually easygoing populace over one question: Is it OK to celebrate a graduation, birthday or some other momentous occasion with a car parade?

Note that I didn’t phrase it as “is it permissible,” because Santa Clara County’s shelterin-place order says it’s not.

From a legal standpoint, it’s likely moot because San Jose Police Chief Eddie Garcia has said he’s not going to devote department resources to citing people for driving in a line of cars past someone’s house.

“I don’t know how any police chief in this county can look at their community in the face and say while people are being released out of jails on zero bail — serious criminals — that now we’re going to stop people from holding signs, driving around and wishing individuals ‘Happy Birthday’ or ‘Happy Graduation,’ ” Garcia told the media. “I certainly can’t look at my community credibly and tell them that.”

The chief’s measured response doesn’t surprise me — he has participated in at least one car parade himself — but what does surprise me is how polarizing this issue seems to have become in short order.

My instincts tell me that most people don’t think it’s a big deal one way or the other. But based on social media comments — never a good compass for finding the middle ground — there are people on both sides of this issue who take it very, very seriously.

On one side, people believe not being allowed to parade in their cars is akin to stripping them of their constitutional rights. As a political science grad, I love how everyone has become a constitutional

scholar during the pandemic, but the argument that it violates your right to free assembly falls apart when you also use the defense that by staying in your car, you are not truly assembling.

Then there are the people who say that denying our high school and college graduates a car parade is just a slap in the face to their hard academic work in a year when

they already were denied a commencement ceremony. This willfully ignores the collective wisdom that the last thing most — though certainly not all — high school and college grads want is their parents’ friends and neighbors making a big deal over them in public. Didn’t you ever see “The Graduate”?

On the other side, some people — who are likely in the populations most vulnerable to COVID-19 — are livid that anyone would risk their own health, if not the health of the entire

community, by thumbing their noses at public health orders and taking the Tesla on a 20-minute spin. However, aside from potential contamination inside the car — steering wheels must be like a Florida beach for germs — it’s unlikely a car parade is a greater risk to anyone’s health. (Not from the virus, anyway; if you crash into somebody while you’re parading because you were speeding or not paying attention, you deserve all the scorn.)

Part of that anger must come from the notion that

some of us are following all the rules and some of us aren’t. And if you are ignoring this rule, what else are you ignoring? Maybe you’re not wearing a mask in public or washing your hands for 20 seconds. Maybe you don’t cough into your elbow.

But here’s the thing. The shelter-in-place order was intended to keep us from being in close contact with people with whom we don’t share a home and bans all “nonessential” travel by foot, bike or car. If you read Santa Clara County’s order, there are so many “essential”

reasons for travel that it makes enforcing nonessential travel rules silly.

For example, let’s say I make a 6-mile round trip drive to In-N-Out Burger three times a day. That’s permissible because I’m getting food. But I’m not allowed to drive around my neighborhood for 10 minutes just to get out of the house because it’s “nonessential” travel. Sure, I could cook at home and walk around my block to get fresh air, but not everyone can or wants to.

You’re less likely to risk being infected with the coronavirus driving

around without stopping than by driving to a grocery store, where you may inadvertently get closer than 6 feet to someone while shopping.

So if you feel the need to celebrate someone’s birthday or graduation with a car parade, I don’t have a problem with it. But don’t act like you’re Paul Revere on the Midnight Ride. You’re breaking a rule to do something nice for someone. And you’re probably just bored.