Visit with grandson poses risks

DEAR AMY>> My wife and I have been selfisolating and practicing social distancing. We both really miss our 3-year-old grandson.

I am 71 and in relatively good health, although I do have a couple of “underlying conditions,” (in addition to my age) that put me in a higher risk group, so I am holding firm about keeping my distance from other people, including my children and grandson.

The problem is, my wife is 64 and believes that she is not at high risk and “has never been sick.” She wants to resume babysitting our grandson.

Unfortunately, this has become a contentious issue between us, making a bad situation even worse.

While I would love to have our grandson stay with us, doing so would put us all at additional risk.

I have suggested to her that I would not want her poor judgment to risk my well-being, and offered as an alternative for her to stay with my daughter’s family so she could spend time with our grandson without compromising my safety.

So far, she has declined this alternative, but seems to become more depressed every day. Her negativity is toxic to us both.

I would appreciate your thoughts. — Perplexed Grampa in Florida

DEAR PERPLEXED >> Your “never-been-sick” wife could be an asymptomatic carrier of COVID-19 (so could you), and — if so — her desire to be with your grandson (at either house) could expose the little guy and his family to the virus.

I raise this possibility because you should both be tested before you end your exile and should only venture back out into the world on the go-ahead from your doctor. Your grandson’s family should also be tested before mingling with you.

We are all lonely. We all want this to end. But each household should adjust their standards and behavior to the needs and risks of their most vulnerable family member. In your household, that’s you.

Your wife has legitimate needs, too, and if her depression seems not to be lifting, or is worsening, please reach out to your family doctor for a referral to a therapist.

DEAR AMY >> I disagreed with your response to “Sad Dad,” whose very accomplished daughter was missing her high school graduation (along with the rest of her class, and so many others). A family member had responded to this sadness by saying, basically, “That’s life. Buck up.”

I couldn’t believe that you agreed with this! Wow, are you always this mean? — Upset

DEAR UPSET >> The family member didn’t say “buck up,” but, “Welcome to adult life. How you handle bad luck and disappointment will determine your longterm success.”

I agreed with this statement and said it should have been offered with more gentleness and compassion. Then: “My heart goes out to these kids. I wish I could take each and every one of them to the prom.”

And I sincerely mean that.