The Mercury News

Back tattoo spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E

- Email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickins­on. com

s ARAMY>> Four months ago, I started dating a guy. We clicked really well.

We live three hours apart, so our relationsh­ip was mostly played out through texting and emails. We had so much fun getting to know each other, but I started to see little red flags: He’d get very angry if I didn’t text him frequently, he seemed possessive, and he was pressuring me to push the relationsh­ip along faster than I wanted.

Because of this, I broke up with him. At first, he did not take it well and said a few hurtful things. After a few weeks he asked if we could be friends and keep in touch via text.

Since I did enjoy the texting banter, I agreed but made it clear that we are just friends.

He has asked several times if I would forgive him and move to an intimate relationsh­ip with him. Again, I told him that I was not interested in that but hoped that we could stay friends.

Amy, he just sent me a picture of his new tattoo. The tattoo is my name (with hearts) on his back!

I vacillate between being furious and just shrugging it off.

Can you offer any insight on what would make a man do such a ridiculous thing? After breaking up with someone, it is even possible to remain friends, or must I just always make a clean break?

— Don’t Ink My Name

s AR sON’T INK >> I find myself hoping that this is a photoshop prank of some kind. Regardless, a man would only do this sort of thing in order to manipulate and control you.

In my opinion, you should be furious — and also “shrug it off.” What I mean is that you should not convey any particular strong emotion in response, but back away definitive­ly from this person — disengagin­g from him via all channels — phone, email and social media.

You should not have any contact with him at all, and if he continues to leap over boundaries in order to be in touch with you (showing up in person at your house or workplace), you should gather all the evidence and consider getting a restrainin­g order.

I believe it is possible in some cases to transition into friendship when a romance doesn’t click, but it is only possible with rational, reasonable, emotionall­y healthy people. In short: NOT this guy.

s ARAMY>> “About to Explode!” was sick of being interrupte­d by their friend and housemate.

I, for one, used to get too excited about a subject and would inappropri­ately cut off someone so I could add to the conversati­on.

My friends asked if there was something they could do to help me correct this communicat­ion error. We decided to use visual cues.

When I would interrupt, my friends would hold up a hand like a “stop” sign, but in a nice way (not an annoyed way). After using this method for a bit, I curbed my jump-start on conversati­ons.

— No Longer Interrupti­ng

s AR INT RRUPTING >>

Communicat­ion — it works! Well done.

 ??  ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States