House guest or housemate?

DEAR AMY >> Three months ago, my husband and I took in a friend of our daughter’s, who quite suddenly lost her housing and whose college switched to all online classes, due to COVID-19.

We have been hosting her without asking for any kind of payment. All we’ve requested is that she cook one night a week. She’s a lovely girl and usually washes the dishes after dinner but does not do any other housework.

When she came to live with us, her parents (who live overseas) called to thank us. They said they would be in touch weekly. Aside from that phone call we have not heard one word from them. We assumed she would be with us until her semester ended.

Instead, she is still living with us — and we just learned that she plans to stay another two months, after which she will go to live with her parents.

Since she clearly is no longer a house guest but rather a housemate, I’ve discussed with my husband the idea of asking her parents to make a financial contribution to our household, but he is hesitant to do so.

Prior to COVID-19, her parents were paying her tuition and for at least some of her living costs. She is getting some kind of financial help from them now, too.

Three months in, I’m feeling taken advantage of by the parents. I’d like to ask them to make a financial contribution but don’t know how to broach the subject and how to convince my husband that we aren’t being cheap.

— Taken Advantage Of

DEAR TAKEN >> You stepped in during a global emergency. Let’s assume that this phase of the emergency has now passed. The school semester has also ended. And so, if travel home is possible, it seems logical that your housemate would return to live with her parents.

This situation has taken up a tidy space in the void you yourselves have created, by refusing to communicate.

Do you want this person to leave the household?

Then say so: “We’ve been happy to host you, but now that things have settled down, you need to return to your folks.”

Do you want her to do more than make one meal a week? Then say so!

Would you feel better if you agreed to let her stay, and she paid you $50/ week? Then tell her.

Maybe after considering all of your options, you would decide to let her stay, but if you do, then you should do so with open intentions.

My point is that you are basically accusing this young person of taking advantage of you, but she is young, she cannot read your minds, and because you are too afraid to have a conversation, you and your husband are now squabbling in the broom closet.

If her parents are really in charge of her situation, then you should call them and review how you envision her current options.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@ amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook.