Partner questions steps after apology
DEAR HARRIETTE >> What do you do when you hurt the one you love? I recently had a fight with my partner and lashed out at him in a way that deeply hurt his feelings. I feel incredibly guilty, but I know that won’t do anything to help the situation.
What can I do now that I’ve acknowledged that I was wrong and said I’m sorry? He is obviously still very upset. How do I approach him during this time, given that we live together and I’d like to do my best to make him feel better? – Making Up
DEAR MAKING UP >> Sometimes things have to run their course. You may need to give your partner his space for a while. He may need time to get past the sting of the argument and all that occurred in the midst of it.
You can call a “family
meeting” and tell him again that you regret the way you handled the argument. Commit — to the best of your ability — to keeping the content of arguments specifically to the topic at hand rather than piling on or dredging up old stuff, as that only hurts people and doesn’t help to resolve the issue.
DEAR HARRIETTE >> Two of my friends are in an argument, and I don’t know what to do about it. I understand points from either side and have been a listening ear for both of them. However, as things escalate, I am worried that they’ll want me to pick sides, and I don’t want to cause conflict since I’ve been hearing both of them out and agreeing to some extent with each of their concerns in private.
I care about both of these people, and I don’t want to lose the friendship of either, even if the two of them don’t want to be friends. How should I approach this situation? –Inthemiddle
DEAR IN THE MIDDLE >> Tell each of them that you want the best for them, but you no longer want to be the sounding board for them in this situation. Explain that you are in an extremely awkward position.
You love them both and want to stay friends. Your greatest wish is for them to get past their argument and mend their relationship, but if that doesn’t happen, you do not intend to pick sides. You want to remain friends with both of them.
When you are asked your opinion about their positions in this argument, reserve the right to abstain from commenting. Tell them that you realize they have to work this out on their own. You do not want to be caught up in the middle of their drama. Refuse to give your opinion. You may also need to stop talking to them when they start elaborating on their issues.
The only way to stay out of it is to extract yourself from the conversation as soon as it begins.
DEAR AMY >> My fiance and I are getting married this fall. We will NOT be postponing the wedding.
Our venue is assuring us that we are on track and that our guest list of 150 will be allowed into the venue by then.
It’s getting close to the time when we have to mail invitations, and I’m worried about what to do if the social gathering restrictions tighten again before the wedding.
If that happens, how do we possibly disinvite only some of the guests? Is there any tactful way to do this? — Not the Tacky Bride
DEAR BRIDE >> It seems foolhardy to make any specific assumptions about larger gatherings scheduled for this fall. You should understand this, and you should urge your guests to also understand — and to be prepared for the possibility that your plans could change radically, with relatively little notice.
I suggest a note included with your invitation, saying, “Due to the pandemic, we are forced to face the possibility that our plans may have to change, with relatively short notice, and that we might have to substantially truncate our guest list, due to local restrictions.
“We promise to do our best to keep in touch with all of you. The health and safety of all of our guests will always come first. Don’t hesitate to contact us if you have questions, and — fingers crossed — we will be able to celebrate together.” DEAR AMY >> Following up on “Living the New Normal,”
with questions about interviewing for a job remotely, I won my current job through two Zoom interviews.
A few things to consider: Organize your notes so you’re not shuffling them to find your point. I like 4-by-6 index cards.
Dress like you’re interviewing in person.
If Zoom, put together your setup and Zoom someone in advance to tweak the lighting, where the computer is, and your general appearance.
I’m 65, so don’t tell yourself you can’t do this.
Be positive and present yourself with the best tool in your arsenal — you! — Jane
DEAR JANE >> You’re my hero!