Husband’s driving scares wife

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. We hardly ever fight, except for when he is driving. I have a fear of riding in a car with him on a busy highway. Whenever we travel together for very long, I am usually such a wreck, I want to cry.

Is it too much to ask that he just ease up a little bit? What does it hurt to only go 10 miles over the speed limit, instead of his customary 15 mph over?

All I ask is that he widen the gap a little between us and the car in front of us.

Right now, he is pouting and going 10 miles below the speed limit in the righthand lane and not speaking to me. Honestly, it’s the first time traveling that I feel calm. Am I being unreasonable?

— Anxious Wife

DEAR WIy >> Your husband should appreciate the fact that you value your life, his life and the lives of other drivers and passengers.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration notes that there are about 1.7 million rear-end collisions on U.S. roadways each year. About 1,700 people die in those collisions and another 500,000 are hurt.

A very helpful article I read on Edmunds.com (the car rating site) breaks down how dangerous tailgating is: “A vehicle traveling at 60 mph covers 88 feet per second. But stopping that vehicle takes over 4.5 seconds and covers a distance of 271 feet. Why? Because there’s more involved in braking than the actual time your brakes are applied to the wheels (called ‘effective braking’). In particular, ‘perception time’ and ‘reaction time’ add considerable distance to stopping your car.

“When you combine perception and reaction time, a full 132 feet will pass before your car even begins to slow down from 60 mph. So, from the time you perceive a braking situation until the time your car comes to a complete stop, a total of 4.6 seconds elapses. During that time your car travels — it bears repeating — a total of more than 270 feet. That’s almost the length of a football field. Of course, the faster you go, the more time and distance it takes to stop.”

Drivers — please — leave at least three seconds between your car and the vehicle in front of you.

S AR AMY >> Responding to the multitude of people wrestling with the issue of being poor housekeepers is that when my husband and I were young, we were very messy. We didn’t really see it. Family were undoubtedly talking about us behind our backs.

Eventually, my aunt found something to say that we could hear. She said that we should spend our money as follows: A roof over our heads, food on the table, and third — a housekeeper. This we could hear.

We didn’t feel judged for being messy, just not doing something about it.

Over 30 years later, we have a very clean house!

— Clean and Happy

S AR ML AN >> Your aunt’s opinion, expressed in a neutral and straightforward way, meant that you could really hear her without becoming defensive.