Daughter wants to give up her baby
DEAR HARRIETTE >> My daughter is pregnant and wants to give up her baby for adoption. I have offered to take custody of the baby and raise it to keep the baby in the family, but my daughter wants to give it to another family because she does not want it in her life — or mine.
I just can’t understand how that would be better. What if I had given her up? I told her this baby will not take away from her life, and any concern she may have about raising it I can help solve for her, but she’s not budging.
I don’t want to see a part of my legacy disappear from my life. Can you help me understand why she feels this way?
— Want to Be a
Grandmother
DEAR WANT TO BE A GRANDMOTHER >> The concept of the right to choose includes the right to choose what happens to your child. As upsetting as your daughter’s decision is to you, it is her right to choose to place her child with another family. You will have to live with that.
She may feel this way because she believes she will feel guilty and responsible for her child if it lives with you, no matter what you say (which is likely true). This may be more than she believes she can handle emotionally.
I totally understand your perspective. And, yes, it has been common for generations for grandparents to take over parental duties for grandchildren, often for life, assuming the role of parent. If you cannot convince your daughter to allow you to do this, you will have to let go — and not judge her for her decision.
DEAR HARRIETTE >> I have been having issues staying focused on my work at home. I get distracted with cooking my meals and cleaning my home. I have lost motivation being home all the time, and I miss being around people and in my own office.
Being out of the work environment has opened my eyes; the work I’m doing seems less meaningful. I can’t stay motivated anymore, and I want to quit my job. I don’t want to keep giving my time to a job that I no longer enjoy. But I’m not sure that I’ll be able to find a new job in this market, so I’ve decided I have to tough it out. I need advice and tips on how to stick out this job that I don’t like. Any ideas?
— Work Hater
DEAR HATER >> Recommit to doing your job to the best of your ability, honoring your work hours. Adopt an attitude of gratitude because you have a job.
Attitude counts a lot.
Every day get up, shower and get dressed as if you are physically going to the office. Always put your screen on for video calls. Wear a genuine smile. This will inspire positive vibes for all. Write out a task list that you check off as you work through your day. Add outside tasks — like family and home responsibilities — and assign times for them that are outside of work hours. Check off your completed tasks throughout the day.
At the same time, polish your resume and begin an active search for other work. Jobs are available. Your attitude and enthusiasm will help in your search as well.