Germs endanger relationships

DEAR READERS >> Every year during this time I step away from my column to work on other creative projects. I hope you enjoy these “Best Of” Q&A from 10 years ago. Today’s topic is: “Germ Donors!”

I also invite readers to subscribe to my weekly “Asking Amy” newsletter, at Amy dickinson. sub stack. com, where I post advice, as well as commentary about what I’m reading, watching, and listening to.

I’ll be back with fresh Q&A next week.

DEAR AMY >> I’ve been happily married for two years. I am grateful for my inlaws’ kindness and enjoy their company. The problem is my mother-in-law’s cooking. She does not wash her hands!

I have caught her putting her fingers in food, licking her fingers and putting her fingers back in the same dish.

During our Christmas visit, she and I prepared leftovers. She “re-mashed” the potatoes with her bare hands, without ever washing her hands!

My husband and I are disgusted.

Is there any way to bring this to her attention without hurting her feelings?

I do not want to cause conflict, but I am mortified to think of the germs in the food she serves us.

— Grossed Out

DEAR GROSSED OUT >> This is extremely unappetizing, not to mention unhealthy. If your motherin-law handled uncooked chicken or shellfish and then plunged her unwashed hands directly into a bowl of mashed potatoes, for instance, this could crosscontaminate foods and spread food-borne illness. If you were pregnant and contracted Listeria from these unsanitary practices, it could be disastrous.

The CDC offers recommendations for safe food handling practices — and washing utensils and hands are paramount (cdc.gov). Try saying: “Mom, I’m very concerned about handwashing in the kitchen. Can you help me out here? I feel like I can’t eat comfortably unless the cook washes her hands often. I love your cooking, but I can’t eat after I’ve seen your hands in the food.”

(January 2011)

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I frequent a local restaurant every week. We have been going to this place sometimes two or three times a week for the last four years.

There is one waitress who insists on serving us. She is good at her job, but every time she greets us, she kisses us on our lips.

It makes me very uncomfortable. I have mentioned to her a few times that I have a cold and so “no kisses for me,” but then the next time we go in, she does it again!

— Diner in a Dilemma

DEAR DINER >> The only thing left to do is to tell this person, “I apologize because I should have told you a long time ago, but I really don’t like to be kissed when we come in. It makes me very uncomfortable. I hope you understand.” If she won’t respect this boundary, you should mention this to the manager.

(March 2011)