Granny upset by house rules

S AR AMY >> My son is in a relationship with a (slightly older) female.

She has three children from two previous relationships.

My son was not ready to settle down with her but then the pregnancy happened. Now they have a child together.

My son moved in with her (of course).

I’ve tried to be friendly toward her, but she is not one to reciprocate in kind.

Her big rule is call first before you come over.

“My house, my rules” is her go-to line.

Her rules seem to be a strain on the relationship with my son and anyone else involved.

This “call first” business is not how I was brought up, so it seems very foreign to me — very standoffish!

Now she tells me that I don’t inquire about my grandson enough, so she will not ask for babysitting help or leave him with me.

My ex evidently is doing all the right things, though, so she makes sure he is tagged in pictures on Facebook, while she unfriended me twice.

Now I can’t see any photos, even if she tags my son in a post.

I think she needs to see a doctor or maybe get medicated.

At this point all I can do is pray that she will change her mind.

Any suggestions?

— Worried Mom

S AR MOM: yIRST THIS >> If your son isn’t ready to have children and settle down — it’s called birth control. I suggest you teach him about it. “The pregnancy,” which “happened,” is what made him a father.

“Call first before you come over” is not an unreasonable rule — in fact, in my opinion, anyway, just dropping in on a family that has a baby in the household whenever you feel like it is inconsiderate.

So, if her rule makes her seem standoffish, then yours makes you seem intrusive.

Regardless, this “my house, my rules” notion may sound like she is drawing a battle line, but it is a true fact that parents control access to their children. And now because you don’t seem inclined to respect these rules or limits, you are being kept at arms’ length.

Your son is this baby’s father. If he wants you to see the baby, perhaps he can bring the child to your house for a visit.

Frankly, from the tone of your question, it sounds as if you might have met your match with this woman your son has chosen to have a family with.

You obviously need help to cope with your frustration and anger over this. Therapy and/or medication might help you.

S AR AMY >> “Upset” wondered if she had gone too far by terminating her husband’s relationship with his female exercise friend. Easy fix — claim that role yourself! Walking with a partner can have huge health and relationship benefits.

It’s definitely strengthened our marriage (even though we have to wake up at dawn to fit it in!)

— Big Fan from CA

S AR yAN >> Absolutely. Now that “Upset” has scared off her husband’s workout buddy, she should put on her own sneakers and get out there.