Friend struggles with response
DEAR AMY » I have been good friends with “James” and “Dennis” for over
30 years, since we were all in grad school. We shared many laughs.
James and Dennis remain best friends today; we don’t see each other very often, but we do stay in touch.
Dennis has been happily married for about 10 years. James has been in a committed relationship with “Lori” for over 20 years. I’ve only met her a few times, but I like her, and we’re connected on Facebook.
Lori has been through a lot during the pandemic, including the loss of her mother. She has used Facebook to reach out for support.
Lori recently shared on Facebook that when she first met Dennis, in James’ presence, Dennis grabbed her behind. And that many times since then when the three have gotten together, he grabbed/groped her.
This made her very uncomfortable, but her husband told her it was her problem.
In her posting on Facebook, she tagged it #metoo.
I was shocked to read this. I have never experienced or witnessed such behavior by Dennis. He is very gregarious, but this is out of character.
I don’t know what, if anything, I should do with this information.
As a woman, I should stand with other women who speak the names of those who sexually assaulted (Lori’s word) them, but as a longer-time friend of the accused, I feel loyalty to Dennis, too.
I haven’t responded to her post, nor have I talked to any of the three of them about it.
What’s the right thing for me to do? What, if anything, is my responsibility? — Not Me Too
DEAR NOT ME TOO » Asa woman — or a human being — it is right to stand up for and support assault victims.
This doesn’t mean that you must reflexively and immediately respond to an accusation leveled on social media against someone you know well.
If you do choose to respond, you could say, “I’m so sorry.”
I think you should contact “Dennis” and confront him with this public accusation.
And then, go with your gut.
DEAR AMY » Yesterday, my husband and I ordered new chairs for our living room.
Once we got home, we realized that the weight limit is 250 pounds for each chair.
We have two dear friends who definitely weigh over that amount; one friend visits quite often.
How can I ask friends not to sit in my new chairs?
I wouldn’t hurt these friends’ feelings for anything.
How should I handle this situation? — Chaired
DEAR CHAIRED » Rather than ask people not to sit in chairs, you should be proactive and — before they sit down — directly offer them a chair that will be most comfortable.