Grieving spouse is struggling

DEARAMY>> You often refer people to seek counseling. I believe in counseling and as a teacher, I often suggested that path for families facing challenges.

Now, I find myself in need of counseling. My husband of almost 50 years passed away last year and the grief is crushing.

I tried a grief group, but the other people there made me even more sad. I stuck with it, but the group was canceled due to COVID-19.

I found a counselor who could see me, but she spent a lot of time talking about her divorce and offered very little in the way of advice for me.

I have been trying to find someone who will accept my insurance, but many counselors have lessened their load due to COVID-19 and don’t want to meet in person.

Even though I have read books on the subject, I truly feel the need to confide in someone with whom I have no history.

With all that is in the news about people who need help, finding it should be easier and affordable.

I want you to know that suggesting counseling often presents hurdles that people in need just can’t face, and so they give up.

— Still Searching and Hoping

DEAR SEARCHING >> Iamso sorry that you are experiencing these challenges, especially because you are working so hard to find help.

First this: NO therapist should discuss her own personal life with you, even if it is to discuss a relatable experience. That is a red flag. Your time in therapy should be completely devoted to you. Your therapist can gas on about her divorce to HER therapist.

I can also imagine the challenge of meeting with a grief group when all of the other participants are also grieving. The most effective groups are guided on a path through raw emotion and toward mutual support and comfort.

If you are willing to speak with a counselor through videoconferencing, it would expand your options.

Video therapy has exploded during the pandemic, and there are many commercial therapy services that run on a subscription model. For a weekly fee, you have daily access to a therapist through text and videoconferencing. Thoroughly research the terms before trying this.

There are also many online forums devoted to grief and grieving. After reviewing several, I would recommend griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com.