Dating apps beget ‘situationship’

DEAR AMY >> I was in an exclusive monogamous relationship with a man for eight months and, unfortunately, I kept catching him using dating apps, even after I had drawn a hard boundary about it.

He also lied to me about substance abuse (he was in AA for years but kept falling off the wagon).

He told me he was a social drinker and was just taking a break from alcohol for health and fitness reasons.

He would go dark and fall out of communication and then deflect onto me when I would ask him why.

So finally, after a week of him being particularly inconsiderate and insensitive, I broke off our relationship.

I did so with honor and said goodbye to his friends and family and spoke not one unkind word about him to anybody.

Now he wants to go in for couples counseling, even though when I was with him, he refused to listen to me about even the simplest thing, like deleting his dating apps.

I don’t know why he wants to go to counseling now that he has completely repelled me.

I don’t even know how I feel about this anymore.

A part of me really loves him still, but a part of me doesn’t trust the relationship (or our “situationship”), since he kept a whole separate list of rules for himself than he did for me.

I’d really like your take on this.

— Curious

DEAR CURIOUS >> I agree with you that deleting needs to happen. You need to do the deleting and what you need to lose — is him.

Based on what you say about this person, you obviously don’t like, trust or respect him.

You were feeling good about how you ended things, but if you allow him to draw you back in, you won’t even have that.

Counseling is a great idea, especially for him. If he wants to enter therapy in order to figure out how and why he sabotaged the relationship with you. I hope that by that point, you will have moved on.

DEAR AMY >> I am a regular reader and wonder if you have ever — even once — admitted that you were wrong about anything?

When people criticize you, you only double down and defend your position.

— Sick and Tired

DEAR SICK >> I do admit when I’m wrong, and I am happy to let readers correct me.

However, I won’t claim an error just because someone disagrees with me.