Generous dad plans blues cruise

DEAR AMY >> Iama father to four adult children and a stepson. All are married or have long-term partners, except for my youngest.

I have been with my current girlfriend and her two teenagers for over five years.

I decided, when the first vaccine for COVID-19 was nearing approval to invite all my children and their spouses/partners on a seven-day cruise next year, all expenses paid.

Initially, I thought I would have my unattached youngest daughter share a room with her brother and his girlfriend.

In discussing this with her, she instead asked if she could bring her best friend and as I was paying for everyone else’s partner, it seemed fair that she could also bring someone.

I told her yes and paid for all the reservations and airfares.

When my girlfriend found out about this arrangement, she was livid, insisting that the best friend (whom we had never met) was not a family member and should pay her own way.

My girlfriend is threatening not to go, nor will she allow her two children to accompany us.

My girlfriend has never gotten along with my youngest very well, but she insists that her issue is entirely about family versus others. I am at a loss as how to proceed.

— Generous to a Fault

DEAR GENEROUS >> You are not married to your girlfriend. She is not contributing money toward this extravagant and generous trip. If your girlfriend is differentiating between “family” and “other,” does she alone get to decide who falls into what category?

None of the burden of planning or paying for this trip falls to her.

Quite literally, your girlfriend’s only job is to show up with her children, accept your generosity and enjoy herself. You should tell her that the offer of this trip is still on the table and you hope that she and her children will accept it, but that the final decision is hers to make.

DEAR AMY >> Reading various questions about overinvolved mothers-in-law, I had to share my story with you.

Before my son got married, he and I had been extremely close.

So, after his marriage to a wonderful girl, my son still felt close to me and would ask my advice and then mention to his wife how I would do certain things.

A close friend pointed this out to me, knowing it bothered my daughter-inlaw.

The very next time my son came to me for advice, I steered him in the direction of his intelligent, smart, amazing wife.

My relationship with son and daughter-in-law is still strong, but their marriage became even stronger.

Mother-in-laws need to know their place!

— Best MIL

DEAR MIL >> It can be challenging to step aside and allow a new spouse to become a primary partner to a child you’ve raised.

Your wisdom applies to all in-law parents — not only mothers.