Veteran responds to ‘thank yous’

DEAR AMY » Iama 75-year-old veteran.

I want to pass on some feelings I have when people say, “Thank you for your (military) service” to me.

I was in the U.S. military from 1966 to 1969 and served at a base in a large metropolitan area. I was never called to serve in the combat zone, but know many that have who have expressed similar feelings.

During that era, if you were “off-base,” you had to be in a dress uniform.

On many airplane flights or trips into the city, we were verbally attacked by college-age groups.

They would spit on us, call us “baby killers, murderers, military pawns” and anything else insulting they could think of.

The people who serve today and in the recent past deserve all of the praise they receive.

I have picked up the tab for many a traveling soldier as a thank you. But I want the parents and grandparents of these brave soldiers to think about their own actions toward service members of the Vietnam era.

There are many wounds that have never healed.

I find the words “thank you for your service” hollow and depressing.

— Old Veteran

DEAR VETERAN

» Anyone who is aware of the national dynamic during the tumultuous Vietnam era could completely understand your reaction to this phrase.

One resource for veterans is The Road Home Program at Rush University Medical Center. They provide “mental health care and wellness to veterans of all eras, service members and their families, at no cost and regardless of discharge status.” Check roadhomeprogram.org, or call 312-942-8387.

DEAR AMY » I identified with “Not Meant to be a Mother,” the woman who was grieving the loss of opportunity to conceive after surgery.

I had a radical hysterectomy at age 38. We already had three children and had not planned on more, yet I grieved before and after.

Finally, I talked to my pastor, who had trained in hospital chaplaincy.

His immediate response was, “Why, of course, you’re grieving. You’re losing a part of yourself.” Suddenly, the burden I’d borne was elevated.

All I needed was validation.

— Relieved

DEAR AMY » After reading many letters in your column about a DNA test that uncovered an unknown sibling, a light went on for me.

What we’re being told, one DNA test at a time, is that the nuclear family was never the tight, loyal unit that many Americans imagined it to be.

Sexual and filial relationships frequently cut across families, yet it was stigmatized and hidden.

We are learning who we really were and are.

Had we been more honest about this as a culture, imagine the shame, poverty and trauma that might have been averted.

I completely agree.