Irish dancing leads to missteps

DEAR AMY >> Last night, my girlfriend and I were in a pub enjoying some Irish music. A man came over and asked if he could “borrow” my girlfriend. I told him that I didn’t own her, and it was up to her.

He led her to the band area. She didn’t want to dance with him, pulled away from his grip, and came back to where I was standing.

He followed her and got a little too close to us for my liking. The guy was drinking, and I told him to buzz off. I had to raise my voice and get in his face.

My better half proceeded out the door. Then we had an argument. She told me that I didn’t have to react this way, because she had it under control. I disagree.

I apologized to my girlfriend, and within a short time we were passionate with each other! Now, I’m totally confused.

She assured me that in the future she would let me know if she felt threatened.

I don’t understand women, and I’m no kid.

Should I have let all of this go?

DEAR CONFUSED >> People are complicated.

When it comes to physical encroachment from someone larger than they are, most women have an instinct for how to extract themselves, in ways that will avoid further unwanted contact — or an actual assault.

Your girlfriend’s behavior was textbook, and smart. She pulled away and returned to the area where there were more people (also where you were).

People who are subject to unwanted attention/harassment can also go directly to the bar and ask waitstaff to get security.

Your girlfriend did not necessarily return to you in order for you to leap in and “protect” her. And you did not interfere until Drunk Man returned to the scene of the crime.

In my opinion, both of you handled things well.

She argued with you because of the frustration of being harassed and because your behavior reminded her that men stereotypically handle their confrontations in ways that women don’t always have access to.

And she was passionate with you later because while she didn’t like your behavior, she also did like it.

Like I said, people are complicated.

DEAR AMY >> “Torn” was conflicted about telling their sister about an earlyonset Alzheimer’s diagnosis. You advised Torn to not tell.

I disagree. Alzheimer’s is genetic, and big sister needs to know the diagnosis, so she and her doctor can watch for symptoms. The earlier it is caught, the better.

A better response would be, “I’m telling you this for your sake, not for mine. I have everything handled, and all I need from you is your continued love.” — A Better Take

DEAR BETTER >> “Torn” was trying to protect herself from her sister’s overwhelming personality. But you make an excellent point. Thank you.