Found money raises privacy questions in a marriage
DEAR AMY » I was doing a deep clean in our bedroom, dusting and going through clothes to donate, vacuuming, etc.
My husband’s bureau is stacked high with papers and much more.
I decided to move and remove everything on top to dust.
In a box, three envelopes with large sums of money fell out.
I put the envelopes back in the box and finished dusting.
He was visibly furious when he came home: “Why did you touch my stuff, where is it ...?!”
He stomped off downstairs.
I didn’t mention the money that night.
The next morning before work, he removed the money. I know this because I started moving his belongings and the box was empty.
He called later in the day and I mentioned, “Hey, did you hit the lottery?”
He responded, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
A few days later we were talking about purchasing a new appliance.
I again asked about the money.
He told me his privacy had been invaded. This kind of threw me off.
I left it at that.
I have no idea what I should be saying/doing at this point.
Your view would be appreciated.
— Confused
DEAR CONFUSED » You and your husband seem to have a cat-and-mouse style of communicating. You describe the issue obliquely; he roars at you, you back off.
I suggest that you say these words: “Honey, as you know, I discovered three envelopes containing a large amount of cash. I believe I have a right to know what that’s about, and I know that if the situation were reversed, you would feel exactly the same way.”
Partners definitely have the right to privacy, but the top of (versus inside of) a bureau is not a private space.
Your husband may continue to aggressively evade your question and refuse to tell you about this cash. If so, you should table the topic, double-check any joint accounts or retirement accounts, and make sure your own finances are secure.
DEAR AMY » Yes, there is a definitive answer regarding whether to leave a toilet seat up or down.
The answer is ... down. If there is a lid, that should be put down, also.
How many of us have fished our cellphones out of toilets?
— Wondering
I’ll take a show of (clean) hands.