Pandemic and holiday visits

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I (ages 55 and 62) have followed CDC guidelines throughout the pandemic: masking, social distancing, limiting time in stores, etc. We have kept very much to ourselves.

Only after being vaccinated did we return to socializing with other vaccinated couples, taking short trips, and enjoying occasional indoor dining.

My dilemma is this:

I have an elderly unvaccinated family member who is complaining that I haven’t been to see them since last spring.

They, however, are regularly visiting with other unvaccinated family members. All of these family members have in fact had COVID.

On the one hand I do feel bad that I have not been to see them, but on the other hand I haven’t wanted to take unnecessary risks.

This person wants me to visit during the holiday, inside their very small apartment (it is too cold to get together outside), and without masks (the family member is very hearing impaired).

Because I am vaxxed and boostered, am I worrying too much — or being too stringent?

I’m also trying to sort through how upset I am at their refusal to get vaccinated, and how this plays into my feelings about visiting. I welcome your thoughts.

— Struggling to Navigate

DEAR STRUGGLING >> I don’t have the right — or the medical expertise — to assess your specific health risk regarding visiting with this family member under the circumstances you describe.

You seem confident in your own protection from the COVID-19 virus (and obviously, any emerging variants will affect your risk assessment and behavior).

If you don’t want to visit this elderly family member, you could explain to them that you won’t be visiting because they aren’t vaccinated, and you don’t want to risk exposing them to the virus. (If this person has actually had the illness, they would have reason to believe that they carry some immunity.)

Or you could tell them the truth: “I’m so upset with you for not getting vaccinated. I’m very disappointed, and it makes me not want to visit with you right now. This is a consequence of your choice, and I’m very sorry.”

Practice that a few times and see how it feels.

DEAR AMY >> Like so many others, I have fretted over not receiving any acknowledgment from grandchildren when giving their gifts.

This year I have decided to send a nice card, telling them how blessed I am to have them in our very special family and that their gift is a donation — in their name — to a local charity (and then name the charity).

This has been a “winwin” for me. I am no longer so disappointed about no “thank you.”

The charity receives a nice donation, and the grandchild knows that they are loved and remembered.

— A Happy Granny DEAR HAPPY >> Yes!