Upset mother might not foot daughter’s wedding bill

DEAR AMY >> My daughter became engaged last week. We are thrilled and like “Steve” a lot.

She said, “Steve wants a traditional Catholic wedding. His family also wants alcohol served.”

We are a Christian family and attend church every Sunday (which Steve has attended with us). Steve and his family do not attend Mass regularly.

I blurted out, “That can’t happen.”

She said she has no preference, and always thought she would have an outdoor wedding.

Her father died a few years ago, and I have no expectation they would get married in our church, but I am totally against it in a Catholic church.

Also, in our close and conservative family, we do not drink alcohol.

We have been to many Catholic weddings, and my daughter has always called them “too ritualistic.”

I was thinking a neutral location would be better.

Does it matter that I will be paying for the wedding? Do I have to pay for the alcohol at the reception?

Is it appropriate for me not to provide financial assistance if it’s held in a Catholic church?

— Future MIL

DEAR FUTURE MIL >> Your views and comments regarding a Catholic wedding are blatantly prejudiced, as well as unkind. How would you feel if your future sonin-law or his parents responded this way regarding your own faith practice?

It is important for you to recognize that this wedding is NOT about you. It is about your daughter and her future husband.

If you had demonstrated the grace to stay silent during this pre-planning phase, and simply let the couple openly explore their ideas in their own way, they would learn on their own that a Catholic ceremony might not be possible for them, for a variety of reasons that would be explained by the priest.

Do not interfere. In my opinion, you owe your daughter and her fiance an apology for your reaction.

Do let them know that you have a definite budget for footing the bill, and if there are parameters surrounding it, you should be honest. If you don’t want to pay for any aspect of this reception, including the alcohol, then don’t!