`Best of' column continues ...
DEAR READERS >> Every year I step away from my column briefly to work on other creative projects. (Anyone interested in my personal essays and photographs can subscribe to my free newsletter amydickinson.substack.com).
I'll be back next week. Today's “Best of” topic from 10 years ago concerns workplace sexual harassment.
DEAR AMY >> I have been working off and on as a freelance consultant for a nonprofit organization.
I work from a home office and take occasional meetings with employees of the nonprofit. I also meet with clients.
Recently the organization hired a new director; I was working as a consultant on a project for the organization at the time.
Soon after his hiring, the new director asked to have lunch with me.
The new director and I went to a nearby restaurant to talk about possible future projects, etc.
At the end of the luncheon, as we were saying goodbye on the curb outside the restaurant, I reached my hand out to shake his.
Suddenly, he pulled me toward him and kissed me full on the lips.
I was so shocked that I said a weak goodbye and left him standing there.
I completed my assignment feeling awkward and wondering if I wanted to work with him in the future. This is not a decision I can make lightly as there are very few job opportunities in my area of expertise, and now I don't know what to do.
Amy, I would appreciate your perspective on this situation. I wonder if he has a problem that should be reported to the board of trustees.
I also wonder if I am making too much of this.
— Kissed Consultant
DEAR KISSED >> Addressing the question of whether you are making too much of this: Do your other colleagues and clients kiss you on the lips after a business meeting? Does this director kiss male colleagues and consultants on the lips after a meeting?
I assume the answer to both questions is no.
People who are subjected to unwanted sexual contact often wonder if they are overreacting. They are often also encouraged to doubt their own instincts.
There is a very commonsense boundary around business meetings, and it's not really that challenging or confusing to stay within the boundary. Physical contact after a business meeting should be confined to a handshake.
Yes, I believe you should write a letter to the board of trustees regarding this new employee.
Explain in very simple language what happened, i.e., “At the end of our business lunch, when I extended my hand to shake his, Mr. Smith pulled me toward him and kissed me on the lips. I was shocked at the time, and upon reflection continue to be concerned about his conduct. In my experience consulting for this organization, I have always conducted myself professionally and until now have always been treated with professionalism, and respect.”
[December 2012]