Former player has gone downhill

DEAR HARRIETTE »

I saw an old flame the other day after a couple of years.

He was always a player, but he has aged so much.

There was something kind of sad about seeing him looking old and kind of grimy but still playing the role of mack daddy. I think that generally the pandemic affected women more than men, but this dude weathered more than my female friends. His one-liners didn't stick like normal. It was just sad.

On one hand, I was annoyed that my friend was still trying out his crusty one-liners on people, but more, I felt bad for him because he seemed pathetic. And yet, he has been my friend for a long time. What do you say to a person who seems to be going downhill?

—Off His Game DEAR OFF HIS GAME

» You have known this man for a long time. Let him be in his state, whatever that is. Interestingly, chances are good that there are still takers for his player behavior. No matter what, you don't need to feel responsible for rescuing him or correcting him. Let him be.

DEAR HARRIETTE » My husband is a know-it-all. Whenever I have something on my mind and want to talk about it, he interrupts me to tell me what to do to solve the situation. I am typically not asking for advice, though. I just want to share what's going on with me, but he can't seem to help himself. He jumps in and pounces all over my point to direct me, or he changes the subject and talks about something else that has nothing to do with what I was talking about. It's frustrating, to say the least. How should I handle this? — He Doesn’t Listen DEAR HE DOESN’T LISTEN » I hate to make generalizations, but in my experience, I have seen that many men are knee-jerk problem solvers. It seems to be in their nature to look for ways to fix things when they are presented with information. That being potentially true, what I have seen time and again is that when some men are told something, their brains click into solve mode and, in the interest of caring for you, they come up with ideas. I'm pretty sure they think this is being thoughtful and helpful. I also fully understand that this reaction may not be what you desire or need.

So you have to say something. Preface your conversation by telling your husband you have something you want to share with him. What you are asking of him is to listen, not interrupt and not feel the need to give you advice. You just want him to be a sounding board. If he starts in with analysis, ask him not to do that.

Instead, ask him to be still and listen.

If he interrupts and attempts to change the subject, interrupt him back and tell him you aren't finished with your story yet.

Harriette Cole is founder of DreamLeapers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. Send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.