Hookups to friendship to ... ?
DEAR AMY >>
Through some unusual circumstances too complicated to explain here, I met another man about 7 1/2 years ago.
We first met for a sexual encounter and soon became lovers. And then we became good friends.
We are both well into our elder years, and are regularly tested, so we know each other's health.
Prior to our meeting, his husband as well as my wife had long since lost interest in sex, so sex was the initial attraction for both of us.
We live in different cities, but manage to see one another several times a year. Sometimes we may only meet for lunch or supper and just talk — hours and hours of talk. Other times we have the opportunity to be intimate with one another. We share our thoughts, our dreams, family issues, concerns, etc.
The last few months his communications have slowed down. At this point, I have not heard from him in a few weeks. No explanation, no messages, no nothing. I guess that is what is called “ghosting”?
My question is this: I feel like I at least need some sort of closure.
I will be in his city in a few weeks.
Should I try again to make contact with him so I can have a sense of closure?
How might be the best way, and how persistent should I be? Or should I just let it go?
— Ghosted
DEAR GHOSTED >> Yes, you should contact him. Ask, perhaps by text: “Could you get back to me, just to let me know if you're OK? Of course, I miss hearing from you, but at this point I'm just looking for an explanation for why you haven't been in touch, and I've started to worry. I'll be in town soon, in case you want to meet in person.”
After this effort, yes, I think you need to just let it go.
And ... this is not on-topic, but I hope your wife has also been tested for STDs.
DEAR AMY >> Regarding your recent “Best Of” column concerning adoption (from “Distressed Sister”), we have three children: one bio and two adopted.
When we brought our second child home (three weeks old!), we were told by our social worker to tell him about the day he was adopted and to tell him frequently.
Obviously, a 3-week-old infant does not understand adoption, but the point was that we'd get very comfortable telling him his adoption story and be open to any questions he had as he grew up.
So, the right age for a child to learn her/his adoption story is the day you bring your child home. — Susan E
DEAR SUSAN >> This is stellar advice, which I hope all adoptive parents will follow.