The Mercury News

Partner offended by odd gift

- Ask Amy Amy Dickinson Contact Amy Dickinson via email, askamy@ amydickins­on.com.

DEAR AMY >> My partner, “Chris,” just showed me a gift he bought for his adult son. This gift is a “verified” personal calling card once owned by Adolf Hitler (Hitler allegedly gave them out to people he would meet).

Chris purchased this card from an American museum's rare items collection and spent quite a bit of money for it.

He finds this gift funny and amusing.

Chris is a nice and kind person, and he doesn't have any prejudice against any ethnic groups.

I felt very disturbed, angry, disappoint­ed and perplexed by the nature of this gift. I don't find anything related to Hitler an appropriat­e item for giftgiving, laughter or amusement.

The night I learned of this gift, I was plagued by horrific images and thoughts of the crimes against humanity brought about by this monster.

I wrote a note to my partner about how I felt about it and invited him to do some soul-searching about his choice. He read my note, stated that he felt angry and frustrated by it, and said, “I knew I shouldn't have shown it to you.” He then said, “I don't want my day ruined by this.”

I feel perplexed as how this sweet and kind partner could come up with such a gift, honoring an evil person.

I wonder how I can be at peace with it.

— Perplexed Partner

DEAR PERPLEXED >> Using informatio­n supplied by you, I verified that the place where your partner purchased this artifact is less a “museum” and more an individual's private collection located in the dealer's home.

Diving into this disturbing topic, I've also learned that there is quite a market for these artifacts, and that collectors use various justificat­ions for purchasing them.

In my opinion, unless a purchaser intends to use artifacts as teaching tools to illustrate both the banality (“calling cards”) and the monstrosit­y of evil, then there is absolutely no ethical reason to purchase them.

It is certainly not “funny,” in any context.

So yes, I'd say that at the least, your “nice and kind” guy is sensitive regarding himself (he didn't want your reaction to “ruin his day”), and not actually sensitive to the reality of suffering experience­d by millions of people that should be brought to mind by any Hitler artifact.

So yes, I agree that the act itself of purchasing this item as an “amusing” gift is tasteless and troubling. Additional­ly, his reaction to your honest feedback and concern will quite naturally make you ponder his personal ethics.

You ask how to be “at peace” with this choice. Perhaps — when you are less reactive and he is less defensive — you two will be able to come to an understand­ing about his choice.

But there are times when you should stand up for your own values. Doing so is rarely peaceful.

 ?? ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States