Mom of trans teen is worried about church's reaction

DEAR AMY » I have a 17-year-old daughter who identifies as a male.

I am OK with this. I am a Christian and attend a traditional Methodist church.

I am involved in a lot of church events, but my child is not.

I am not sure how the church is going to react to my child's transition. I also don't know how my side of the family will react. I had one guy from the church already make a comment about my teen wearing a tux to the prom.

I told people that she doesn't do dresses, which is true.

My question is — how do I support my daughter/son and also hold on to my church?

— Confused Mom DEAR CONFUSED MOM » If your child identifies as a male, then he is not a daughter/ son — but a son.

This gender transition is also a transition for you, and you should continue along this path by using your child's preferred pronoun.

Regarding your church, this may seem like a complex doctrinal or cultural issue, but it's not!

You have one child. There are other churches.

I suggest that you take some time to get very comfortable with your child's gender transition, and then share this knowledge with friends, family and fellow congregants over time. You don't need to make a big announcement but acknowledge the truth the way you would other aspects of your child's life to people who are interested. (The “tux” comment was one opportunity for you to say, “The reason my teen didn't wear a gown to the prom is because they identify as male.”)

People may let you down, but please, do not let your faith fail you!

If people at church respond unkindly, you can assure them that you will pray for them to open their hearts. Then, you should look for another place to worship.

Pflag.org offers great resources and advice for parents of transgender people.

Time does help to heal wounds. But treatment plus time is even better.