The Mercury News

Ill visitor had no right to stick around

- Harriette Cole Harriette Cole is founder of DreamLeape­rs, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. Send questions to askharriet­te@ harriettec­ole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndicatio­n, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

DEAR HARRIETTE >> A friend came by to visit me the other day, and the whole time she was coughing. It was strange, given how hyper-vigilant everybody got about wearing masks during the height of the COVID epidemic. When I looked at her funny after she kept on coughing, she assured me that she doesn't have COVID. To me, that doesn't mean that you should continue to cough all over people.

After a bit, I made up an excuse that I had work to do, and we cut her visit short. Again, she had come over uninvited just to visit with us for a while. Normally I wouldn't care about that, but I worry that she filled my house with her germs. Whatever she has, I don't want it. Should I have been even more direct with her about her illness? Would it have been OK for me to ask her to leave sooner?

— Sick

DEAR SICK >> Your friend exhibited extremely poor judgment in coming into your home while unwell.

She knew she didn't feel well. Actively coughing means that she was spreading her germs in your house. That was rude and inconsider­ate of her.

It's interestin­g that in the age of COVID-19, all of the other illnesses that plague people seem to have taken a back seat to that one, and many people aren't paying attention to anything else. That's not smart.

As awkward as it might feel, you absolutely have the right to ask someone to leave your home if you believe they are sick. When you first noticed the repeated coughing of your friend, you could have said to her that you see that she is not well and asked her to come back another time to visit with you when she is feeling better. You could have told her that you are concerned about keeping everyone in your home healthy, yourself included, so you have to ask her to leave. That's not rude, by the way. That's self-preservati­on.

DEAR HARRIETTE >>

I changed my hairstyle in the past few months. So far, I have been getting plenty of compliment­s about it. I ran into a woman I have known for some time, and after chatting for a bit, she asked me when I had made the change. I told her my story, which was that it was one way I had managed during COVID. I like my new style, but now I'm not sure where she stands.

She never gave an opinion. She only asked after seeing me and talking to me for a couple of hours. I'm feeling a little funny about that. Should I ask her opinion?

— New Do

DEAR NEW DO >> No. You like your hairstyle, and that should be enough. Since it is substantia­lly different from before, it makes sense that she noticed the change. Don't take her vagueness as anything important. Her opinion doesn't matter either way. It's your hair, and you get to do what you want with it.

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