Hostile co-worker makes office environment uncomfortable
QI started a new job and a former client, an executive, recommended me for the position. I've learned about the organization and what I'm expected to do. The challenge has been with one co-worker in particular. To say she openly hates me would be an understatement. The breaking point happened when I was asked to participate in a meeting for a business she supports. I was on a call with three of my colleagues when I let this problem co-worker know I'd be part of the session so she wouldn't be blindsided. She had a complete meltdown on the call.
She let me know she felt I didn't respect her and that I had no business working on her client's business. She dropped off the call. I immediately wrote to her to let her know I intended no disrespect. She didn't respond and has been openly hostile since that meeting. I asked my manager if we needed to have an intervention to clear the air so we could find a workable professional footing. My manager responded that this co-worker had apologized to her (my boss) and that if I had any work-related questions, to send them through my boss and she would ask this coworker to provide me with an answer.
I don't need to be friends with this person but having to take extra precautions to make sure her feathers aren't ruffled has created a lot of stress. Have things changed that much since my last fulltime position? Is it normal for a manager to address this type of situation in this way?
— Anonymous, Chicago
AThis situation is absolutely bonkers. I am bewildered by the number of letters I get from people working with really hostile individuals who seem to be given free rein to behave so badly. Now, there is some information missing from this letter. When did this animosity start? Did you two have an argument? Do you know each other outside of work? Do you have any sense of what is fueling this person's attitude toward you?
Regardless, what she is doing is not OK! It is beyond ridiculous that a grown woman requires a third party to mediate basic professional communication. I do not understand why this behavior is being enabled. She had a tantrum on a business call and apologized only to your manager? This is not business as usual.
I suggest speaking with your manager, clearly outlining your concerns, and asking for a more workable solution than this game of playground telephone you're being asked to undertake. Ideally, your manager should hold a meeting with the three of you to clear the air, identify how the working relationship will function moving forward and establish consequences if the co-worker (or you, if you've done something to antagonize her) cannot behave professionally. I hope you can find some resolution here.
A no-retreat retreat
QI am a member of a unit of about 10 people at a nonprofit. The head of our group recently announced we would gather for a one-day retreat to strategize for the next fiscal year.
Our office is undergoing major renovations, but rather than find an alternative venue, my boss still set the retreat location in the office. This plan was, no surprise, foiled by ongoing construction. Now, the plan is to hold the work retreat in common meeting spaces at the condo residence of a subordinate. I think this crosses a professional boundary. What is more troubling is that other units routinely hold all-day or multiday retreats at (nonresidential) venues outside of the office. How do I address this? Am I overthinking this as being unethical? — Anonymous
AWhy do you care about this? Why do you think this is something you need to address? Does the subordinate have a problem with holding the retreat in their common meeting spaces? Common meeting spaces are for … meetings. They are being used as intended. There is no ethical quandary here. The retreat isn't being held in anyone's private home. This is certainly kind of strange and maybe even a little tacky, but it sounds like a temporary, low-cost (no cost?) solution to a temporary problem.
If no one is being forced to host the retreat, I would let this go. Free yourself from overthinking something so inconsequential. That said, try talking to your boss about holding these retreats at a more appropriate venue, framing it as something that would be more professionally beneficial to all involved.